Category: Uncategorized

                        “Resentments”

December 26,2016
My name is Lauren and I am an addict in recovery. I have been clean for 44 days today. Today is the day after Christmas and holidays are always the hardest for me. This Christmas I wasn’t able to see my son because of things going on in my life and my son’s father not approving. I know that resentments make you sick and they affect you more than they do the person you’re resented. But right now I’m holding a big resentment against my son’s father. I haven’t seen my son in 44 days since I’ve been clean again.

Truth

I chose to tell him the truth about me relapsing because I didn’t want to feel the guilt about it and in the long run it caused for him to keep Ayden from me. In the beginning I would always laugh back and react to all the nasty comments he was making and play into whatever game he was playing. As I sat and talked with people in my support group and people that have seen this done and have went through it themselves, I took suggestions on how to handle this situation. I no longer play into the games he’s playing and I don’t react back at any manipulative comment he’s making. Now he feels like he’s losing control and it’s making him even more angry. I know that this is going to be a long process but one day I will have my son back and I have to keep pushing forward if I want to succeed.

What Truth Taught Me

Right now it hurts and it’s going to but I can’t let it affect me or my recovery. How am I going to be a mother If I can’t stay clean. Resentments make me sick inside, and they make me want to isolate. Isolation will make me go back out so I have to keep reaching out to my support group and follow the suggestions of others and one day I will have my kid back.and just for today I’m clean and learning go live with the consequences of my actions.

Learning To Accept The Truth And Take The Suggestions Of Others In Recovery

Grateful recovering addict, Lauren.

Recovery Changes Provide Gifts

The changes I made in Recovery has given me so many gifts.  Like this is the first year that I’m able and willing to buy Christmas presents for my family and close friends. I can honestly say that I work my ass off for an honest paycheck to buy honest presents for my people. Before I always lied, stole or manipulated the money to get presents but today I choose not to do that. In all honesty my family doesn’t want anything from me, but to see me healthy, happy and clean. Life today isn’t always a happy wonderland. Everyday there are struggles but today I look for the solution, instead of staying in the problem.

The Changes I Made In Recovery Have Given Me So Many Gifts.

Christmas Parade

I went to the Christmas parade with my family and the girl’s in my recovery house which are also family.  I had such a great fucking time. Being there clean and with people that care and love me was just awesome. I was dancing to the band’s, laughing, smiling- just enjoying life. My sister in Louisiana asked me yesterday if my friend and I want to come visit in March. That right there is a gift of recovery.

Working Step Two

I’m on step two now and working on the insanity part. I’m not going to lie its making me feel some type of way but I keep writing and calling my sponsor. I’m grateful I get to experience those feelings today, even though some are bad, good and indifferent.

Doing The Little Things

Tonight I’m going to a meeting. I look forward to going to meetings most days. The days I don’t want to go is when I really need to go. We just all cooked breakfast together in my recovery house that shit means a lot to me!  Just doing the little things like that mean so much. I never spent time with people like that in my active addiction. I spent all my time either in a bathroom, in my room or chasing my next fix.

Better Everyday

So it’s a blessing that I don’t have to do that shit anymore. I can live life today. By working this program I can learn and deal with life on life’s terms. I’m becoming a better person everyday by doing the next right thing.  I am an addict and today is Day 58 for me.  Trust your struggle… The best is yet to come!

1 Great Reason to Belong To An Anonymous 12 Step Fellowship

This is very difficult to write because I’ve waited well over a year to write this.  To give this story its proper respect, it should have been written a long time ago, but the universe, I guess wanted it to age and shape itself in my growing awareness.

Three years ago when i was still new to recovery, and new enough to think I knew what I was doing, I lived in a sober home.  Well one day i was informed that a new roommate was coming.  I was concerned for her because , the sober home I was living in was not so sober.  I volunteered the extra bed in my room although I was enjoying the privacy with no roommate.

Roommates In A Sober Home

My roommate moved in and instantly I knew she was biten by the bug of recovery.  She was on the pink cloud.  I became all that much more protective of her, and you would too if you met her.

Conviction

She identified masculine and was the most perfect and beautiful androgynous person, I had met.  Not in the middle of the decision but had already fought all those judgments from people familiar and not ready for the change as well as those who are just simply ignorant.  She was committed and convicted in her identity.

Magnetic Nature

She was open and friendly and shared everything from her taste in music (punk) to her new understanding of recovery.  Her positive nature was magnetic and breathed new life into everyone’s recovery. Our efforts in recovery were stepped up by all of us.

Spiritual Principles

She introduced me to a different fellowship and we worked different jobs together.  We were indeed close although radically different people.  But with our spiritual principles taught to us in our program, we were truthful even when it may be a confrontation and always caring.

An Inspiration

What made her positive nature and gravitation to the program even more of an inspiration was that no matter how many meetings she attended, and that was every day, sometimes several times a day, and no matter how far she went in her step work, she was still going to be sentenced to prison for up to five years.  She went to her final court hearing with incredible dignity, looking amazing and formal, surrounded by other clean/sober friends.  She held her faith and was handcuffed for the last time.

Efforts Made

In July of 2016, another friend informed me that my friend and old roommate was going to be released from prison after a year and half.  But she was concerned because there was no where for her to be released to.  The sober home she planned on returning to did indeed fail due to bad practices.  It was then that I made efforts to procure that same home for better intentions.

Coming Home

October 1st, 2017 my dear friend came home to me.  The main image on this post is that very day.  We all look haggard but we were indeed happy.

She continued her recovery doing very well and in no time she was independent herself.  She had her ups and downs as I did also, but mostly living life to its fullest in recovery.

We are still nothing a like and agree on very little, except one huge thing…the program that we both follow.  And today you will not find a more fierce and loyal friendship like the one we share.

We share our family and my boys adore her.  She has taken them to punk concerts and works out with them.  The video is a day we shared as a family, enjoy!

The one good reason to belong to a an anonymous 12 step program is the people.

Thank you for reading and this and I hope that one day you will know a fellowship like this one.

Angie H

Mixed Blessings In Recovery

Today I have 2 months and one week clean. It’s been 9 weeks of true amazement mixed with daily struggles in recovery. I’m currently on my 5th step & going over it tomorrow with my sponsor. I’m pursuing growing spiritually and trying new things to get myself out of my comfort zone.

Sense of Peace

Work has gotten a lot better, the active users I was working with have been weeded out, therefore there is a new sense of peace at work now. I am still having some difficulties with my personal relationships that I have been working on. I have had to cut some people out of my life that I love dearly, and had to be done in order to keep growing and keep fighting the good fight.

Embrace His Will

At this point I talk to my Higher Power multiple times a day and embrace “His Will” for me. With Him I know I am safe and I know my Higher Power will never push me past my ability to remain firm and do the next right thing.

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It Works If You Work IT

Hi my names Nikki I’m an addict. Today is 44  days clean! I’m so grateful for my life today. This program works if you work it. I just finished step one. It was a very emotional step for me but a relief also. I actually got stuck in the middle of the step because writing down all that fucked up shit I’ve done and all the shit I’ve done in my active addiction was really hard for me. I cried, laughed, prayed, asked my higher power for forgiveness, called my sponsor and talked to my support group.

Made It Through

By doing those things I pushed through and kept going and made it through. I see the growth in myself and so do others. Completely surrendering to my addiction and accepting my past and surrendering to Narcotics Anonymous, I’m building the foundation to my recovery. This is the first time I’m doing the suggestions everyone tells you about when you go to meetings. It’s a simple program and now I understand that slogan “keep it simple”.

For The First Time, I worked the Program

This is my first time doing the steps thoroughly, I utilize my sponsor and my support group, I go to meetings regularly, I do service work.  I’ve seen the gifts of recovery in my life as a result of doing all these things that were suggested.  I have friendships back in my life today that I thought I lost and it feels amazing.   I’ve built great friendships with other people. I’m getting my family back like on Thanksgiving.  I was also invited over there and spent all day with my family.  Like little things from going shopping with my sister and niece and going to get lunch together.  Due to my pop-pop being in a nursing home this year we brought him thanksgiving dinner. My niece told me she loved me yesterday. I don’t even remember the last time I heard that. I’m truly blessed.

I Made It Back

Recovery is an amazing thing and I’m so grateful I made it back. I live in a Sober living house with 9 other women. They are all amazing in their own ways. Everyday when I go to a meeting I always hear what I need to hear. Meetings help keep me clean and I always feel better afterwards. I look forward going to them.  Life is good today.

I Choose To Live

Today I choose to live! I’m happy and comfortable with myself  and everyday I’m going to continue this new way of life. They say one promise, many gifts. That promise just for today I don’t have a desire to use. That has been lifted. I’m excited to keep growing on my recovery. Miracles happen everyday. Don’t ever give up. I’m a miracle and so are you. Trust your struggle. The best is yet to come…

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki

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