Finding Self-Worth In Recovery
My self-worth is something that I have been struggling with for a long while. But these are things I’m working through as I continue my journey in recovery. When did I stop believing in myself? Or even, when did I stop loving myself?
Feeling Unworthy
When I was younger I went through abuse as a kid. And I think that may have something to do with it. There were many aspects where I never felt good enough. These aspects pertaining to: not good enough in school, not a good enough friend, not pretty enough etc. I struggled with self-worth a lot in middle school because I was on the bigger side. I felt like that because other guys weren’t giving me attention they would with some of the pretty girls. Even in friendships I felt like I wasn’t as popular because I wasn’t good enough.
The Wrong Kind Of Attention
But I really lost myself-worth when I started using. I lost all respect for myself and gave myself to anyone who would give me attention. With that being said it wasn’t the good kind of attention, it was because they wanted a good lay. It’s very hard for me to take any type of compliments. Like if someone says you look pretty today, I always come back with “I look fat”, “my hair is a mess” or “I don’t have makeup on”.
Positive Affirmations
When I came back into the rooms I couldn’t even tell you what self-worth or self-love was. I’m one of my biggest critics. But lately I have been trying positive affirmations. For example every morning I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful inside and out. And I try my hardest to actually believe it. I know that I am beautiful and that I have a lot of great characteristics. It’s just hard sometimes because all of the stuff I have done to believe it.
Starting To See My Self-Worth
By working the steps and my recovery I am starting to love myself. When someone gives me a compliment instead of being uncomfortable with it, I try to embrace it and say thank you. Self-worth is really hard for me. But I know that if I start to see my worth, I won’t put up with a lot of what I have put up with. This is especially tue in relationships.
Progress In Myself With Recovery
If I love myself today it makes it easier for others to love me. Self-worth and self-love are two things that I struggle with daily, but I Won’t Give Up! There’s always room for progress in my recovery pertaining to many aspects inside and out. But the further along I go in working my recovery, the more progress I make Within Myself.
Proud Of Myself Today
I am proud of myself today and all the accomplishments I have made. Now I just have to be proud of who Lauren is, and what she has to offer. Because I am no longer that conniving and self-centered using addict out there on the streets. I am someone trying to do better with my life and become who I deserve to be. And to me that’s a lot more then looks and what I have. My name is Lauren and I’m an addict. I have been clean for 11 and a half months. And I like to state that in my blogs to show the progress that I have made.
Grateful addict, Lauren