My name is Lauren and I am an addict in recovery. I have been clean for 44 days today. Today is the day after Christmas and holidays are always the hardest for me. This Christmas I wasn’t able to see my son because of things going on in my life and my son’s father not approving. I know that resentments make you sick and they affect you more than they do the person you’re resented. But right now I’m holding a big resentment against my son’s father. I haven’t seen my son in 44 days since I’ve been clean again.
I chose to tell him the truth about me relapsing because I didn’t want to feel the guilt about it and in the long run it caused for him to keep Ayden from me. In the beginning I would always laugh back and react to all the nasty comments he was making and play into whatever game he was playing. As I sat and talked with people in my support group and people that have seen this done and have went through it themselves, I took suggestions on how to handle this situation. I no longer play into the games he’s playing and I don’t react back at any manipulative comment he’s making. Now he feels like he’s losing control and it’s making him even more angry. I know that this is going to be a long process but one day I will have my son back and I have to keep pushing forward if I want to succeed.
What Truth Taught Me
Right now it hurts and it’s going to but I can’t let it affect me or my recovery. How am I going to be a mother If I can’t stay clean. Resentments make me sick inside, and they make me want to isolate. Isolation will make me go back out so I have to keep reaching out to my support group and follow the suggestions of others and one day I will have my kid back.and just for today I’m clean and learning go live with the consequences of my actions.