Hi my names Nikki I’m an addict. Today is 44 days clean! I’m so grateful for my life today. This program works if you work it. I just finished step one. It was a very emotional step for me but a relief also. I actually got stuck in the middle of the step because writing down all that fucked up shit I’ve done and all the shit I’ve done in my active addiction was really hard for me. I cried, laughed, prayed, asked my higher power for forgiveness, called my sponsor and talked to my support group.
Made It Through
By doing those things I pushed through and kept going and made it through. I see the growth in myself and so do others. Completely surrendering to my addiction and accepting my past and surrendering to Narcotics Anonymous, I’m building the foundation to my recovery. This is the first time I’m doing the suggestions everyone tells you about when you go to meetings. It’s a simple program and now I understand that slogan “keep it simple”.
For The First Time, I worked the Program
This is my first time doing the steps thoroughly, I utilize my sponsor and my support group, I go to meetings regularly, I do service work. I’ve seen the gifts of recovery in my life as a result of doing all these things that were suggested. I have friendships back in my life today that I thought I lost and it feels amazing. I’ve built great friendships with other people. I’m getting my family back like on Thanksgiving. I was also invited over there and spent all day with my family. Like little things from going shopping with my sister and niece and going to get lunch together. Due to my pop-pop being in a nursing home this year we brought him thanksgiving dinner. My niece told me she loved me yesterday. I don’t even remember the last time I heard that. I’m truly blessed.
I Made It Back
Recovery is an amazing thing and I’m so grateful I made it back. I live in a Sober living house with 9 other women. They are all amazing in their own ways. Everyday when I go to a meeting I always hear what I need to hear. Meetings help keep me clean and I always feel better afterwards. I look forward going to them. Life is good today.
I Choose To Live
Today I choose to live! I’m happy and comfortable with myself and everyday I’m going to continue this new way of life. They say one promise, many gifts. That promise just for today I don’t have a desire to use. That has been lifted. I’m excited to keep growing on my recovery. Miracles happen everyday. Don’t ever give up. I’m a miracle and so are you. Trust your struggle. The best is yet to come…
MY NAME IS LAUREN AND I AM AN ADDICT. TODAY I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN. IN THE FIRST FEW DAYS I WAS BEATING ,MYSELF UP AND SAYING THAT I ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS CLEAN AND I WAS FEELING A LOT OF GUILT. TODAY I AM SAYING I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN. FIFTEEN MORE THEN I HAD.. EVERY DAY CLEAN IS A MIRACLE. I DIDN’T THINK THAT I COULD GET THIS FAR. NEVER ALONE NEVER AGAIN. I LIVE BY THAT EVERY DAY.
I KNOW THAT I HAVE PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ME. PEOPLE THAT WILL PUT ME IN MY PLACE AND NOT BABY ME. THE SUPPORT THAT I HAVE TODAY IS AMAZING. TO KNOW THAT I’M LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY AND NOT JUDGED ON MY PAST MISTAKES, MAKES ME HAVE THIS TYPE OF FEELING THAT I CANT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS. BECAUSE WORDS CANT POSSIBLY DESCRIBE THIS FEELING.
FOCUS ON MY PROGRESS
RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT, FOCUS ON MY PROGRESS AND NOT DWELL ON THE PAST. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO GO MINUTE BY MINUTE. THE LAST FEW DAYS I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED AND THINGS HAVE BEEN PUT IN FRONT OF ME TO TEST ME. THE WAY I DEAL WITH THINGS LIKE THAT, IS MY CHOICE. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR BEING ABLE TO LOOK AT WHAT I CAN LOSE AND WHAT I HAVE GAINED FROM BECOMING CLEAN. ALL THE POSITIVE AND EVERYTHING I AM GRATEFUL FOR WHAT OUTWEIGHS THE NEGATIVES.
TODAY I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS BY USING. BECAUSE IN MY CASE IT WILL COVER UP THE PROBLEM FOR SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME AND CAUSE ME NOT TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN, BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THE PROBLEM IS STILL THERE. IT COMES BACK TEN FOLD. PROBLEMS DON’T GO AWAY BECAUSE I TRY TO MAKE IT GO AWAY.
A NEW WAY TO COPE
IN MY CASE RIGHT NOW I AM FINDING WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF MY SITUATION WITH MY SONS FATHER. BEFORE I WOULD DEAL WITH IT BY RATIONALIZING AND THROWING HARSH WORDS BACK AT HIM. I HAVE A NEW WAY TO COPE WITH THAT SITUATION. BY GIVING HIM THE POWER, I’M LETTING HIM CONTROL MY FEELINGS AND HOW I REACT AND THAT’S NOT OKAY. THAT’S LIKE SAYING “HEY I LIKE THE HURT AND I BELIEVE EVERY HURTFUL WORD YOU SAY TO ME AND I AM THAT TERRIBLE PERSON THAT YOU SPEAK ABOUT.” I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF AND SAY THAT’S NOT OKAY. I’LL NOT TAKE ANYMORE EMOTIONAL ABUSE FROM THAT ASPECT IN LIFE. I’M TAKING THE BALL BACK. THIS IS MY COURT. HE WILL EVENTUALLY GET SICK OF DRIBBLING HIS OWN BALL AND NOT MAKING IT IN THE HOOP AND IT WILL STOP. I JUST NEED TO STAY CLEAN AND SOBER IN THE MOMENT.
I MISS MY SON TO DEATH AND IT HURTS MY HEART TO NOT BE ABLE TO BE THERE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW. BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT IS GOD’S WILL AND THAT EVERYTHING WILL HAPPEN IN TIME AS LONG AS I STAY ON THE RIGHT PATH.
TO DO BETTER I MUST ACT ON MOMENTS IN MY LIFE IN SUCH A WAY THAT EASES THE TENSION AND ANXIETY THAT PROBLEMS CAUSE ME. I LOVE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT THEY LOOK UP TO ME OR I AM AN INSPIRATION. IT HELPS EASE THE HOLES IN MY HEART THAT I CAUSED MYSELF. WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM I WANT PEOPLE TO SAY I WANT WHAT SHE HAS. I WANT TO BE THAT HAPPY. I WANT TO HELP THE NEWCOMER. TODAY I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN AND I AM DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF FOR THAT. ONE STEP AT A TIME.
Hey Guys! My names Amy I’m 28 years old and I am definitely an addict. My clean date is September 26, 2016.
A Lot Has Changed For Me
A lot has changed for me in just 6 short weeks. It took the first couple of weeks to get out of the detox stage and to start being myself again. I had about ten and a half months clean last year and had never felt happier.
What I Didn’t Realize
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was holding on to old ideas and to reservations that inevitably brought me back out and threw away any happiness I had. I tried to live the unmanageable lifestyle of active addiction. Within a week of relapsing I overdosed on heroin.
I Survived, Thanks To My Higher Power
Thanks to reasons unknown to me but known to my Higher Power I survived. It took an additional 4 months of misery before I said enough is enough and made a decision to get clean again. At that point I was no longer jonesing for drugs and alcohol but I was jonesing to have that awesome way of life again, that I had known last year .
I Started Feinding For A New Way Of Life
I was feinding to be happy, joyous, and free. Today I wake up every morning so grateful to not have to be dope sickor rely on something or someone to get me through the day.I have a sponsor who has a sponsor , I’m working a program, and am going to a meeting a day right now. I am absolutely grateful to have the support system and women in my life that I do.
Feeling a Part OF in a Transitional Home
The transitional house I live in is so amazing because I know I never have to face a difficulty alone and I’m with other women who are working toward the same goal as me. I’ve never felt so much a part OF before.
No Matter What I Seek My Higher Power
Every day for me is not sunshine and rainbows. I’m facing difficulties with loved ones in my life who use, people at my job who use, and issues with me trying to grow as a young woman and not knowing how that will change relationships in my life. No matter what though, I know if I seek him, my Higher Power will be with me every step of the way.
As an owner of a home for sober living or a recovery house, often my clients will go through moments of what I call cabin fever.
In early recovery there is so much an addict must face. Most have legal issues from Child protective service or actual criminal cases. In addition, a whole way of life has been given up. We often say that,
The only thing that has to change is everything.
But this often leaves my clients feeling restless, irritable, discontent and bored. Mostly in a support group we teach each other new coping skills such as,
Move a muscle change a thought
But when I hear a steady trend, I try to guide it, not kill it. The video above is the second tattoo party held at Da Vinci Home. The first was such a great success, we did it again.
I guide it as best I can. Two weeks before the party, they show and share with one another a small tattoo idea they have, and discuss how much it will cost. There is no rush because we will certainly have another party. Importantly what they are choosing to have put on their bodies permanently is discussed and guided by their support as well as their finances.
Then of course we choose an artist that is trust worthy and uses safe practices. We make food and generally enjoy the day even if a tattoo isn’t in the cards for everyone.
Also it is a way to unify everyone to do something fun even those who can not par-take in outside events due to community control or other reasons.
I truly love what I do. Allowing the girls to have a break from the grieving they are doing, from letting go of so much to have a new life in recovery, is a small but blessed moment.
It may be unconventional for sober living and tattoos, but there was nothing conventional about having a sober home in the first place.
A sponsor is someone I can confide in, that I trust talking to, that I can be completely honest with. Someone that will help guide me through these steps because I know I can’t do them by myself, some confuse the hell out of me. Usually I’m nervous about picking up the phone but. I look forward top calling my sponsor. I want that happiness that she has and to have a strong recovery like her. Call me out on my shit and not sugar coat shit. Sponsorship is a corner stone to my recovery.
What does a sponsor do?
First of all they share there experience, strength and hope. Call me out on my shit, help guide me through the twelve steps, the 12 traditions and things 12 concepts. Help me get out of myself.
What does a sponsee do?
Listen and take suggestions with an open mind. I rely on my her to give me a general direction and a new perspective if nothing else, she’s am important sounding board. Sometimes all it takes is saying something out loud top someone else for me to see things differently. Like the other day I was going through some shit and I called my sponsor and she told me it’s building my character. That helped and opened my eyes to see things differently.
How do we get a sponsor?
We ask someone that we like their recovery. I looked for someone honest, open minced and i felt comfortable talking to. In the meetings I watched and listened to what she had to say. And, I looked for someone I connected with and I look forward to getting to know her better and build a relationship with her.
When should we get a sponsor?
This time I wanted top get a sponsor right away. I’m excited to work the steps and learn new things. So I watched her recovery, how she was on the outside of meetings, last time in recovery I went through 3 sponsors and I didn’t put much into the steps. One sponsor I picked because I thought she was hot, one relapsed on me and the other one had too many commitments was never there for me or answered the phone.
So that’s how I did it and I know the ones before weren’t meant to be. One day being a sponsor to another addict will continue my own recovery. That is what sponsorship is about.