Honesty: Integrity, Sincerity, Openness Surrender: Yield, Submit, Concede, Grant Acceptance: Respect for, Endurance, Yes, Welcome, Belief In, Trust In, Faith In, Willingness
For three years, maybe even longer, I disillusioned myself that I was being honest with myself and my then husband. Yes, I was honest in admitting my behavior and actions were out of control when I was using. But never was I honest about the problem; Lissi! Not until I was literally being forced into rehab rather than jail did I start to consider being honest about myself. Yes, I said only considering being honest, and that began recently when I surrendered to Narcotics Anonymous. I had never surrendered to something “better”. Not until I began working the first step did I become completely honest with myself and sponsor.
Being honest has allowed what really doesn’t matter to go away, and what it means to be free from fear in order to allow what I really want to start to appear and begin to grow in my life. A life without chaos! Is my life perfect? No, absolutely not. But today it is no longer chaotic. Today I allow myself to grow and learn how to be a better person with the help of others.
The ability to finally truly surrender the fight within myself is an amazingly freeing action. It has allowed me the ability to grant myself a life with peace and happiness. The ability to be the person I always wanted to be during my active addiction. The person I disillusioned myself into thinking I still was.
Acceptance has allowed me to welcome myself back more every day. Yes, there is still wreckage to work through. And, that itself is a blessing to be able to do today. Today I choose to be present and live in the solution. And it is a marvelous place to live. I am immensely full of gratitude to be where I am and have amazing loving people in my life.