Self Work Brings Drastic Changes
Self work has brought on a drastic change from where I was then and where I am now. And it’s all thanks to recovery and being willing to live this new way of life. In the beginning I was so scared of getting clean only because using was comfortable. I knew that at some point I was going to have to look deep inside of myself and figure out who Lauren was. I was more afraid of looking at what I’ve done.
Unexplainable Relief
This past year I’ve been able to do a lot of self work. I did my fourth step thoroughly and was able to look at my part in a lot of things. The biggest thing I got to work on and work through was the abuse. I was afraid of ever admitting some things that have happened which were not my fault, but to me they were embarrassing. Once I was able to get that out and talk about it the type of relief it gave me was unexplainable.
Sixth Step And Character Defects
I am now on my sixth step. That means I’m working on my Character defects. So far I realize that I have way more Character defects than I thought. But by being able to look at my Character defects I am able to open myself up for change. I’m able to allow my higher power in to remove me of some of my Character defects. Now I know with work in the sixth step that not all my Character defects are just going to up and vanish. But I do know that I can work on them.
Need For Daily Self Work
One of my biggest Character defects is having expectations. And being vulnerable scares me. The thing is I put expectations on someone else that I’m not willing to on myself. Why? Because I’m scared to be vulnerable. So with doing daily self work and coming into contact with these Character defects, I can hopefully make changes in that area of my life.
Hopeless, Helpless And Feeling Less
A year ago I came into a transitional house with nothing. I came in hopeless, helpless and feeling less. The only thing I knew was that I was miserable and tired of being sick and tired. I drained myself of any emotions that I had. A couple of years ago my license was taken. I never thought I would be able to get my license back. Through all this I have practice patience. And I knew that when the time came it would be the right time.
Self Work Creates Self Love
A few weeks ago I went and got my license back, and shortly after that went with my friend to get a car . Now I have a car, am able to do alot more things especially with my kid and get around to work easier. Still though, I remain humble and know that if I put anything in front of my recovery I will surely lose it. Soon I will be going into a salaried position at work and making my way up the ladder. Never did I think I would get this far, but I have. I have a place to call home, friends that turned into family and a life beyond my wildest dreams. Today because of self work I am a better version of myself, and I love that girl today. My name is Lauren and I’m an addict. My clean date is April 29th of 2017.
Grateful recovering addict, Lauren