Resentments From Being A People Pleaser
I have not always been a people pleaser, but as soon as I decided to get sober that happened. My thought was that people would like me better. I found it easier to do that than to really say what I was feeling at the time. Confrontation can be tricky. Either you’re the one saying how you feel or you’re hearing the other person feelings. My problem is one of two things. I either let things slide or my temper blows up. Then I end up walking around with a resentment towards that person.
A Respected Quality
Mean what you say and say what you mean, right? Nice thought, but not that easy to do at times. If I think about it, the people I respected had that quality about them. And, I do really like to know where I stand with people. This is definitely one of my challenges I face daily.
Setting Boundaries
I am in recovery and every person deserves to be treated kindly. However, the word no sometimes needs to be said. Or maybe even, I am not willing to do that or this is unacceptable to me. You can say what you mean with out being rude, or in a kind tone of voice. It is taking me a little to get this down, without people pleasing or saying it too harsh. It’s a challenge, but with practice I should be able to change my people pleaser behavior. After all I owe it to my self to give respect and receive it.
Changing People Pleaser Behaviors
I know that having a sponsor changed the way that I look at recovery. I feel part of a group that I belong. For me, I could be standing in a crowd of people and still feel so alone. Never mind trying to handle a confrontation with out loosing my temper. The cool part that I am seeing is I am changing. I am willing to learn how to live a better way of life. As well as learning how to take suggestions even though I might not feel like it at the time. I am willing to try to change behaviors that are not healthy for me. In the end it will only make me a much happier person. No, life is not always fair. However, I am responsible for my actions and how I speak to others. I will say what I mean and mean what I say. But I can try do that in a kind way going forward.
~Anonymous