Jails, Institutions and Death is a reality for most addicts and is more common than not. Yet, how is it, that this reality does not a keeps us from using or drinking? For many of us jails and institutions go hand in hand. We have been subdued to the vicious cycle of using to fight depression and anxiety,  to,  having anxiety and depression from using.  So, jail, an institution, or death would be a welcomed release from the daily chaos, frustration, and disappointment in our lives.

Disappointment in ourselves and the people who have betrayed or turned their backs on us. For most of us, at this point,  we are more afraid of living than of death. And, for many, we are so institutionalized that we don’t have the tools to live in the free world. It is safer for us, and others, for us to live in a confined and micro-managed environment.

We saw no way out of this revolving door. If only, so and so would ___,  or had they___… always placing the blame and responsibility of our actions on someone or something else.  Eliminating ourselves from being the one who should make a change or step up and resolve a problem. Not that we would trust ourselves to do so, anyway. We have found ourselves in a state of total despair and have lost all hope.  Our hands have been thrown up in the air and given up completely. We will never amount to to anything, or have any chance at a better life.

Speaking for myself, I had assumed that I would be this person that I despised for the rest of my life.  Certain that there were no good people left out there and that I was doomed to a life of self destruction and sadness. I had nothing to offer myself, nor anyone else. How was I to ever help anyone else, when I couldn’t help myself?

One day… a solution was offered.  A lifestyle that produced positive results and a great support system (something I had never had before). People who understood and accepted me. I started to feel the energy and strength it took to take responsibility and make changes in my life. Finally being able to look outside of myself for the answers. I found a group of spiritual people who had turned their lives around, and I wanted what they had. These people were relate-able. It was like they knew me already. They told my story and how they had overcome it.

They gave me the most precious gift of all…HOPE. I had hope again, and was able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Through time, focusing on bettering myself, and my spirituality, I am able to live a life of contentment, outside of the confines of jails, institutions, and/or death. I am able to deal with life as it comes because I have the tools that this amazing group of people has given me to handle and accept life on life’s terms. I use what these people have given me, to not only help myself, but to help others. Who would’ve thought that I could be a productive member of society?… A true blessing…and the light at the end of the tunnel is only getting brighter  🙂

Gratefully, Nicole