Joy Found In The Simplest Ways
Today I’m finding joy in the simplest ways due to my recovery. Currently I am working on my second step and about to wrap it up. This step touches on being open-minded in our recovery. However, it’s allowing me to apply being open-minded in my life in general. And, I will explain as we go along.
Remaining Open-Minded
We are asked to be open-minded to a new way of life. As well as being open-minded to suggestions from others. What I discovered is that I had to first be honest to truly reap the benefits of what is being offered. See, I had to be honest about what was really wrong with me so that I could allow others in recovery, in my support network, to be able to offer their experience, strength and hope. And reaping the benefits is what we’re after, a better way of life right? Absolutely it is!
Acceptance And Surrender
So, I was honest about not just the things I lost because I was in active addiction, but the reasons why I was picking up. There was suffering inside and being honest, sharing about this allowed me to start healing. This required me to be open-minded that someone else could help me. There was a blind faith or trust needed in my higher power and in others. That can be really scary. But when I accepted the reality of my disease, accepted I wasn’t living my life, I allowed myself to surrender. That surrender granted me the ability to meet new people, to be happy again, and to grow.
My Own Person
This growth allowed me to learn who Lissi is. To learn what Lissi likes and not what others like. I am my own person, an individual. No longer seeking the approval of others to validate me because I’m unsure of who I am. Don’t confuse this with taking my own will. I was completely lost as to who I was for years. This is about being honest and open-minded, about working my recovery to build self-esteem, self-worth. These actions providing me an opportunity of finding joy within myself again, even in the simplest ways.
Joy In Color
One of these examples of finding joy in the simplest ways is color. You may laugh, or be like seriously, but I’m being dead fucking serious. I’ve introduced different nail polish colors into my life because I’m getting to know who I am more and more every day. Semi ultra conservative would have been the way to describe my color selection before now.
People Pleasing
When I was married I would always ask my husband’s opinion on everything. And yes, even when I would buy a new color of nail polish. I’d pick up a pretty shade of blue or purple because I thought the color was pretty. He would look at it and then me, and be like seriously. And because I allowed his opinion to swage me my collection consisted of reds and pinks. He never told me I couldn’t buy it, don’t confuse that. But I was so unsure of myself to the point I felt like I needed his approval for everything, even my polish color.
Seeing Color Again
Today I own a beautiful collection of color in the form of nail polish. And, I didn’t even start the collection. My mom and grandma came by with a few things, and nail polish was included; colors like yellows, blues and purples. I remember thinking “what the fuck?” because my mom is the epitome of conservative. I asked seriously, these colors mom? She looked at me and said Elisabeth why not, it’s just nail polish. WOW, Okay! Those colors sat there for a few months. Was the timing of me finally using the colors a coincidence? I don’t think so.
Surrendered To A New Way
After my relapse I became open to the idea of using these new beautiful colors. The open-mindedness came when I re-surrendered to a different 12 step program. I decided to join Narcotics Anonymous; alcohol is a drug! I was blessed by the universe to have met a wonderful woman, she agreed to sponsor me, and I began my step work.
Building A Foundation
When I began the step work in NA, I got real with myself, with her, with the people who I love and care for in my life today. I got honest and did what was suggested. Not living my life was no longer an option. In addition, staying open-minded to suggestions regarding my recovery and putting it before everything else in my life.
Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone
I’m so grateful for allowing myself to be vulnerable. That’s when I started to grow. I started to heal and get to know myself. And yes, that’s when I finally looked at those beautiful colors and laughed at myself. How fucking stupid to have that variety and not use them. One day I decided I wanted to try one of them out and did. I realized I don’t care anymore what anyone thinks, and why did I ever? Oh, or maybe no one cares Lissi, you seriously aren’t that important; it’s just nail polish for goodness sake.
Color Gives Life Joy
That day I found a little joy from the simplest way. Due to my growth in recovery I am learning about myself. This growth came from being open-minded. It’s not just about abstaining today, it’s about living life. Living and enjoying life by working my recovery, growing as a person, having self-esteem and self-worth, building healthy relationships, and being a productive person. Life is a beautiful gift full of color so live and enjoy it today!
~Lissi