The Need to Surrender
I’ve been clean and sober for almost 7 months now, and I still have not started my step work. I fill with anxiousness just reading through the step work guide, let alone writing out my feelings. I am scared of what I will find out about myself once I finally do begin my step work.
Alone and Empty
I am still living at the Da Vinci Home with Angie, and an amazing group of women. I have a great job which I actually enjoy going to and I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me dearly. Yet, I still feel alone and empty. I should be enjoying everything going great in my life. And I do, but only to a certain extent. I just can’t help but feel like something is missing. I know I still have a lot of work to do on myself, especially since I have not started any step work. This is probably a big part of why I have this void within myself.
Lost and Found Relationships
I went to spend a week at my sister’s house in New Jersey for Christmas. She bought me a round trip plane ticket. We have not seen each other in over two years. It was so exciting to see her, and my nieces and nephew. We had a really great time together and I honestly can’t wait to do it again! I have lost so much of my family. I never had a Dad growing up, my mom died at the very young age of 51 when I was just 27. My Grandma, who I was extremely close to, passed away a few years ago. My aunt, uncle and cousins who I used to be very close with, but choose not to be associated with me. And most importantly my only son Shawn also chooses to not be associated with me due to my addiction. So, my only family is my sister and her children which is fine. I love them very much, and they are all very proud of how well I’m doing today, of how far I have come. My relationship with my sister is probably better today than it’s ever been. For this I am so grateful!
The Need for Honesty
I know it’s passed time to start some serious work on myself with the help from my sponsor. I do know one thing for sure, I’m right where I belong today! My life is far from perfect, but it’s perfect for me right now. I’m going try some step work soon. So, hang tight and I’ll let you know how that works out for me! To be continued.
Me, Myself, & I, Jen