Active Addiction And Relationships
Learning how to have healthy relationships while in recovery can be challenging. During active addiction all my relationships were quite strained. Before working the steps I was always under the impression that my relationships with my parents and sister would go back to normal. But that wasn’t the case.
Reality Of The Hurt Caused
Before actually practicing the steps I thought that because I never directly hurt my parents. Yes, I stole from them. I thought I did not hurt them, when in fact my behavior was way worse than if I just stole from them. They were in constant worry of where I was, and if this bender would be the last. My parents could never believe a word I said. I always lied to them, and hid my active addiction until I just had no energy to hide it anymore.
Active Addiction Was A Full Time Job
My active addiction was a full time job and eventually it was just too tiresome to hide it and that’s when my life came crashing down all at once. My parents are the two most important people in my life and I want nothing more to have a strong close relationship with them again, but it takes time. They are emotionally hurt by my actions in active addiction and just because I’m sober now it doesn’t mean those feelings of hurt and pain are going to go away. Slowly but surely our relationship is on the mend, but it is not something that can be rushed.
Support System Is Crucial
Before my last relapse I was seven months sober. I am almost at 2 months again. My relapse was on alcohol for one night. I am very grateful that this disease did not keep me out for longer. Having a support system is so crucial for me and my recovery. Because of my support I was able to go to the Da Vinci Home and be around people that know exactly what I am going through.
Healing Takes Time
My relationship with my parents is getting stronger by the day. But I know it is going to take time for things to get back to how they were. I can tell sometimes they worry if I don’t call them for a day or two. If I relapsed because that is the pattern for me. It’s like that saying, you relapse days before you actually take that first drink or drug.
Learning To Share Feelings
The main thing I am working on in my life right now is to talk about my feelings. That has always been a problem of mine. I like to sweep my problems under the rug and act as though they do not exist. The problem with that is when i keep all my feelings in I become so overwhelmed that I resort to drinking or doing drugs to mask all of the feelings that I keep inside. With that I actually created more problems. Problems on top of the problems that I had to start with.
A Work In Progress
My life in recovery is a work in progress. Just because I am not in active addiction now my problems don’t just go away. But I deal with them in a healthier, more mature way. I still occasionally think about using when I have a problem, or am in a stressful situation. But that is just it, it is just a thought. It is a thought that I do not act on. And eventually, that thought passes and I become stronger from it.
~anonymous