Category: Uncategorized

No Decision Is A Decision

Taking Control By Making Decisions

I am taking charge of my recovery!  Which means I have to be comfortable with the fact that God has got this.  After I finished my third step my sponsor made me wait thirty days before I could start my fourth.  She did this because I needed to focus on the fact that I can not control everything but I can be active in my recovery.  God has a plan but I also have to be active in this. Taking back control of my my life by making decisions and choices is essential to my recovery.  It has helped me feel more confident and shed a little of the self doubt.  Of course this is an ongoing tough process.

Decisions For Myself

For so long my addiction made choices for me, then family and healthcare workers. Finally I’m at a point where I can make certain decisions for myself.  Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t or do not talk to my sponsor or other addicts about what is going on.  This just means I am now able to make decisions on my own and I plan on taking full advantage of that.
Able To Make Decisions For Myself

Decision By Not Making One

I think the biggest lesson I have learned here is that NOT making a decision is a decision in of its self!  I absolutely love this!!  This is what has empowered me the most.  I live in a transitional home right now and I don’t have a plan on when I’m going to move on, and that’s OK.

Living Day By Day

I have decided to live day by day and things will happen when they are supposed to happen. I am not sure what I want to do career wise.  If I want to go back to teaching or not.  What I have decided to do is find a job that I am happy with so I can pay my bills and I will take it from there, no rush.  Again, things will happen how they are supposed to happen. God has a plan and the universe will provide.

Robbed By Addiction

I am sharing this because my addiction robbed me of my self worth which I know is common.  However you don’t understand the depth of this until you have lived it. I could’t make a decision to save my life and don’t you dare ask me my favorite color or food because I have no idea. That would require thinking for myself.

Turning Point In Recovery

Going through the first few steps and learning about myself, my disease and decisions I am able to now make has been a huge turning point in my recovery. I am more confident in day to day living and am able to think for myself and make decisions on my own.  (well mostly on my own, with the help of my sponsor and a few others)
~Becky

New Car Goal Achieved

A Friend Achieves Her Goals

Yesterday my friend bought a new car.  Last year at this time she was looking at 4,000 dollars to just get her licenses back, never mind thinking about buying a car. I have watched her take on jobs that most people would not even consider, much less do, yet she did with no complaints.  I have seen her work an honest program, and she always makes herself available to help another person who suffers from addiction.

Never Wavered

The the one thing about my friend that never wavered was her service work with her 12 step program, and she always attends her meetings. Some of you reading this might wonder why I would write about someone who has just bought a new car.  It’s so much more than just buying the new car!!  It’s friendship, love and support.

Infinity Goal

To see someone, especially someone you care about, not give up even though that goal seemed like “infinity”, yet that is exactly what she did.  She set a goal and didn’t quit.  She persevered over obstacles until her goal was obtained.

An Inspiration

She has also enrolled in school and she continues to work her full time job.  She is an inspiration!  Seeing what she has accomplished makes me want to achieve my goals that much more. It really is true with effort, the program does work if you work it. So proud of my friend and a good friend at that.

~anonymous

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Vacation Time With Family

First Time Visiting Family

So I’m getting super excited because it’s time to go home to New Jersey. This time tomorrow I will be on a plane to visit my family.  Since I’ve moved out here and started this new journey this will be the first time I have visited.  

Birthday Surprise

I have so many mixed emotions: anxious, nervous, but most of all excited. Working a program has allowed me such a beautiful life.  A life where I get to show up for my family today, not just physically but emotionally too. Only a few months ago, they were ready to write me out of their lives.  My mom actually wants me in her life today. Recently she has been really sad about not being close to me while I am bettering my life. So I can’t wait to be able to surprise her for her birthday.

Repairing Relationships

Through the beauty of NA and the changes I have been able to make, I have been able to begin to repair the relationships with those that mean the most to me, and that I will be forever grateful for.  Although I am nervous about leaving the place where I started building my foundation, I know I am blessed to have people that I love, and that love me, in Florida and Jersey.  That’s why no matter where I am I will be okay.

~Sam

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Blessing Of Trust Received

Addiction Equals Loss

We lose a lot when we are in active addiction.  Speaking for myself, I lost a relationship with my son, lost my husband and home, pets, lost relationships with family and friends, lost employment, and lost tangibles.  However, we lose a lot more just within ourselves, at least I know I did.  My self esteem, self worth, self respect, integrity, reliability, trust.  The list goes on and on.  This blog though, is about receiving a blessing of Trust from someone very dear to me.

 Burning Away Their Hope

When I was actively using, I was not a dependable person in any positive way.  The only thing anyone could really depend on was my picking up the bottle again and continuing to burn away any hope those who loved me had.  Can I blame them?  For over 3 years my addiction is all anyone noticed.

Opportunity to Focus

Almost two years ago, I came into the Da Vinci Home, and was given the opportunity to focus on myself and my recovery.  Did I do it perfectly?  Of course not!  There have been relapses in that time, but when they happened I would change something.  Obviously relapse happens because we are not being honest, holding reservations, or even simply not working our recovery program.

Relapse and Change

About six months ago I re-surrendered to the Narcotics Anonymous program.  There was a different level of support with the fellowship in the town I live, and it attracted me to want to be a part of what “they” had.  I am blessed with my sponsor I have today and the relationship we are building.  She is an amazing woman with a beautiful soul.  There many relationships I have been blessed with today, but I want to share about one in particular.

Grieving Loss

This friendship is like something I have never had before with a woman.  The closest comparison would be my lost marriage due to my alcoholism and promises not kept.  My ex husband was my best friend, and we did everything together.  It was the kind of marriage others couldn’t grasp and even envied.  When I was grieving the loss of my marriage I remember praying to have that back, that type of relationship.

Have Faith

My best friend is the owner and operator of Da Vinci Home, Angelique.  Over the past two years a friendship naturally bloomed.  She has been like a sister to me, a sister I never had.  I’ve have trusted her advice and suggestions throughout my time here.  Even when those suggestions told me to quit a job because it was compromising my recovery; to have faith that the Universe would provide, so long as I kept doing the right things.

Live In Gratitude

In December I got complacent with my restrictions of community control, and I deviate from my schedule.  This resulted in a violation of probation that carried a sentence of 3 months.  Those three months allowed me to make peace with what happened, due to my own actions, and have faith that everything would be alright.  It was a lesson that I needed to be present, live in gratitude, and that my freedom will come at the appropriate time.

Blessed With Trust

When I came home three weeks ago Angie told me she wanted to talk to me about something before I rushed out to find a job.  This is where the Universe blessed me with what I thought I had lost forever.  The conversation started off with her sharing with positive attributes she sees in me, how she values our friendship, and how much she loves me.  She presented me with an offer to work together, to start a business together.  An offer truly beyond words.  My blessing came during this conversation, when Angie told me she trusted me.  To hear her repeat the words “Lissi, I trust you” was just WOW Experience!  I haven’t gained or earned trust in over three years, I had only lost trust.

Lost and Found

See, while in active addiction I deluded myself into thinking I was still a person of integrity and absolutely wasn’t.  The beautiful part is the Universe has returned to me what I prayed on and thought I had lost forever.  I’m able to live, work and share my life with my best friend again.  No, it is not with a man.  This friendship is even more special because of not being complicated with sex.  It is just a positive, pure, natural, healthy relationship with a best friend, a sister, who I love dearly.

The Universe Provides

My getting honest, surrendering and accepting my addiction has allowed me to have her in my life.  And not just with Angie, as I have been able to build other healthy relationships today because of being in recovery.  My life will continue to be blessed as I continue moving forward and doing the right things.  The Universe always provides us with what we need at the right time.  And I was provided a gift in the form of a beautiful friend named Angelique.
~Lissi

My Life Today

My Year Celebration

My name is Lauren and I’m an addict I have been clean for a little over 11 months now.  I am coming up on my Year Celebration on April 29th 2017.  This is the first time that I actually truly worked the program, took the suggestions and remained open minded and came to love my life today.

Working The Steps

I was very close minded before about the program and working the steps.  My belief was that the steps weren’t going to help me and that they were just going to bring up more pain that I didn’t want to face.  But in all reality I actually just finished up step four and I couldn’t be more relieved.  Yeah, I had to dig things up that I didn’t want to face but I had to face them in order to grow and heal.

For Our Son

I have been through a lot in the past year, especially with dealing with my son’s father.  We have had to go to court for child support and for some reason in the beginning we just couldn’t get along no matter what.  Lately we’ve had a lot of doctors appointment concerning my son’s health, and so for the sake of our son we have been able to get along.

Change Within

A lot of things have changed in the past year especially within myself.  I now work recovery in and outside the rooms.  I make sure I make my meetings and because of my work schedule lately I have been able to make four a week.  I’m able to balance between meetings, work, sponsor, my son and my friends.

My Life Today

I have gotten to my year mark before but never truly did any work what so ever on Lauren.  Never did I do the self work because I didn’t want to look inside myself.  Through this work I began to really know who Lauren is and hence what I deserve in life.  I love my life today!  If you would have asked me a year ago if I loved my life my answer would have been “I don’t even want to be here anymore”.  It’s a sad but very truly honest statement.  I pushed through until my miracle happened and glad I stayed.

Grateful addict,Lauren

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