experience, strength and hope in recovery

Pretty Rough Week

So this week has been pretty rough for me. I have so much going on, and so much tough, rough, real life shit I’m dealing with that it’s hard to comprehend all of it.

Keep It Together

I’m trying best to keep it together, but sometimes I wish I could just fall apart and cry. The weird thing is, I can’t. I can’t become this emotional wreck even though I want to. It’s almost as if myself is trying to save me from myself. I don’t know.

Life Happens

My life as of late, has become a series of unplanned and unfortunate events. From the deep shit of my parents breaking up, to me moving out of my only place of sanity, my bedroom. Nothing but bullshit.

Finding Myself Alone

I can’t seem to catch a break. To be able to reel myself in. And I can’t seem to stop resenting the people around me who are full of toxicity. Today, my concern is not that I will slip up and use. And an additional concern is my mental health. As I try and distance myself from the negativity around me, I find myself more alone with my thoughts. And that’s something I’ve always hated…being alone.

Continue To Search

I know I’m gonna continue to push through this, to adapt, and to grow. However that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck right now. I know everyday wont be my best day, but I’m gonna continue to search for the light, and find some beauty in the darkness. Because in the end, what’s the day without a little night? You can’t get to it unless you go through it.

Kaylee

New To A Halfway House

I was brand new to a halfway house upon my discharge from the ISU detox at BayCare. Being greeted by Angie’s gleaming smile & copious amount of positivity was wonderful. That was my first sign that I was going to be alright.

Welcomed

I was nervous because I have never lived in a halfway house and pulling up to the Da Vinci Home scared the crap out of me. I guess because of fear of change, being the new girl, the unknown, my own personal worries and such. Yet everyone welcomed me with big hugs and kind words of reassurance.

Pushing Through

Although my first week at the house was FILLED with MULTIPLE tests of my own strength & willpower, I am ELATED to say, despite those voices inside me, the one’s telling me to run away…to run as fast & as far as i could…I HAVE SURVIVED. As my second week comes to a close I’M FEELING MORE WELCOMED AT DA VINCI THAN EVER! All is FANTASTIC now!

Shannon

Recovery First In My Life

My name is Lauren and I have been clean for a little over 5 months now. Things have gotten so much better since I have put recovery first in my life. This time around I have really been working on myself. I know what I do and don’t tolerate. And so I have had to cut out a lot of negative people in my life. This meant loving the people I care about from a distance. Right now I am working two jobs and sincerely trying to make the balance between my work, my son, meetings, and relationships. I think I’ve been able to really maintain it all but I’m just hoping I don’t become overwhelmed. I know that anything I put before my recovery I will lose.

Relationships I could Loose If I loose Recovery

Right now I’m in a great relationship with my best friend. Things have been better this time around with us because we chose to do something different. I am trying to build a good relationship with my son and sometimes it’s really hard. And that’s because my son’s father can be areal jerk sometimes. When my son does come over I get to show him the real mommy. From teaching him things to catching lizards. We always have a great time. The bond between a mother and son can never be broken and I make sure to let him know how much I really do love him.

Digging Deep In Recovery

I just got finished with my second step and will be starting my third step soon. Working the steps really helps me in my recovery, especially because it lets me dig deep and deal with the underlying issues that I never wanted to deal with. I have an amazing support group and women that I can call just to talk. I’m still living at Da Vinci and I have been here for almost a year. I feel like at this moment it’s a safe place for me to be and I like being surrounded by women that have the same goals that I do. Just for today I have no complaints and I am clean by the grace of God.
Grateful recovering addict, Lauren

Unconditional Love

Hi everyone I’m Stacy I’ve only been at the Da Vinci Home for a little over 2 weeks. The vibe in this home is amazing! You can feel the unconditional love only addicts share because we’ve all been through hell and back.

Safe Environment

I truly believe God brought me here at this point in my recovery for a reason. To be able to live in a safe environment with women I can relate to is something I will forever be grateful for. Women who are supportive of me, and especially the house owner Angelique!

I have 30 days sober and can already begin to feel the beginning of a transformation of my spirit. Thank you to all the women in the house for making me feel welcome, especially Angelique

-Stacy

Triggers

My name is Lauren and I am an addict. I have been clean for 5 months yesterday. The last five months have been an interesting Journey for me. Just about every way I feel like my higher power has tested me. From seeing old dealers to being around people that are under the influence. But today it’s the way that I go about dealing with those triggers. Without this program I wouldn’t the have the tools to be able to use to deal with situations.

It Was Easy In The Beginning

In the beginning of getting clean again I didn’t have any desire to use. I really wasn’t being triggered by anything. And that really worried me. One would think in the beginning the obsession to use would be triggered by just about anything. The last couple weeks have been the biggest test for me. I’ve ran into my old dealers a couple times on the bus and in public places like Walmart. Fortunately the thought really never crossed my mind about wanting to use or even being curious about if they were still selling.

Triggers Snuck Up On Me

But recently we had a few people in our house relapse and that’s where the triggers came. So I came to the conclusion that my biggest trigger is just knowing that it’s available. Even seeing them high didn’t make me want to use. But when one of the girls told me that she had the drugs with her the first thought that crossed my mind was what happens if I were to do just one. And that was without any thought at all. That was a big eye opener and that my disease is still there strong. It’s there waiting for the temptation to give it. Luckily today I work a program and I was able to use the tools that I have been given to call my sponsor and reach out.

Remembering Where I came From

As the days went on, the miserable look in these girls eyes reminded me of where I came from. Furthermore where I never want to go back to. A big reminder that if I don’t continue to work the program and reach out that I can also go back to that miserable State of Mind. My heart aches when I see somebody still going through the depths of hell in addiction. The knowing that there’s nothing I can say or do to help these people if they don’t want it. They can save themselves from drowning if they just stand up.

Today I am blessed! Without the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, the 12 steps, my sponsor and my support group I would not be where I am. To have the tools to be able to cope with those triggers. Life is a journey and I’m grateful for the reminders of where I came from. And especially where I never want to go back to.

Grateful recovering addict Lauren