Uncategorized Archives * Page 17 of 22 * Da Vinci Recovery Homes Inc.

Recovery First In My Life

My name is Lauren and I have been clean for a little over 5 months now. Things have gotten so much better since I have put recovery first in my life. This time around I have really been working on myself. I know what I do and don’t tolerate. And so I have had to cut out a lot of negative people in my life. This meant loving the people I care about from a distance. Right now I am working two jobs and sincerely trying to make the balance between my work, my son, meetings, and relationships. I think I’ve been able to really maintain it all but I’m just hoping I don’t become overwhelmed. I know that anything I put before my recovery I will lose.

Relationships I could Loose If I loose Recovery

Right now I’m in a great relationship with my best friend. Things have been better this time around with us because we chose to do something different. I am trying to build a good relationship with my son and sometimes it’s really hard. And that’s because my son’s father can be areal jerk sometimes. When my son does come over I get to show him the real mommy. From teaching him things to catching lizards. We always have a great time. The bond between a mother and son can never be broken and I make sure to let him know how much I really do love him.

Digging Deep In Recovery

I just got finished with my second step and will be starting my third step soon. Working the steps really helps me in my recovery, especially because it lets me dig deep and deal with the underlying issues that I never wanted to deal with. I have an amazing support group and women that I can call just to talk. I’m still living at Da Vinci and I have been here for almost a year. I feel like at this moment it’s a safe place for me to be and I like being surrounded by women that have the same goals that I do. Just for today I have no complaints and I am clean by the grace of God.
Grateful recovering addict, Lauren

Unconditional Love

Hi everyone I’m Stacy I’ve only been at the Da Vinci Home for a little over 2 weeks. The vibe in this home is amazing! You can feel the unconditional love only addicts share because we’ve all been through hell and back.

Safe Environment

I truly believe God brought me here at this point in my recovery for a reason. To be able to live in a safe environment with women I can relate to is something I will forever be grateful for. Women who are supportive of me, and especially the house owner Angelique!

I have 30 days sober and can already begin to feel the beginning of a transformation of my spirit. Thank you to all the women in the house for making me feel welcome, especially Angelique

-Stacy

Triggers

My name is Lauren and I am an addict. I have been clean for 5 months yesterday. The last five months have been an interesting Journey for me. Just about every way I feel like my higher power has tested me. From seeing old dealers to being around people that are under the influence. But today it’s the way that I go about dealing with those triggers. Without this program I wouldn’t the have the tools to be able to use to deal with situations.

It Was Easy In The Beginning

In the beginning of getting clean again I didn’t have any desire to use. I really wasn’t being triggered by anything. And that really worried me. One would think in the beginning the obsession to use would be triggered by just about anything. The last couple weeks have been the biggest test for me. I’ve ran into my old dealers a couple times on the bus and in public places like Walmart. Fortunately the thought really never crossed my mind about wanting to use or even being curious about if they were still selling.

Triggers Snuck Up On Me

But recently we had a few people in our house relapse and that’s where the triggers came. So I came to the conclusion that my biggest trigger is just knowing that it’s available. Even seeing them high didn’t make me want to use. But when one of the girls told me that she had the drugs with her the first thought that crossed my mind was what happens if I were to do just one. And that was without any thought at all. That was a big eye opener and that my disease is still there strong. It’s there waiting for the temptation to give it. Luckily today I work a program and I was able to use the tools that I have been given to call my sponsor and reach out.

Remembering Where I came From

As the days went on, the miserable look in these girls eyes reminded me of where I came from. Furthermore where I never want to go back to. A big reminder that if I don’t continue to work the program and reach out that I can also go back to that miserable State of Mind. My heart aches when I see somebody still going through the depths of hell in addiction. The knowing that there’s nothing I can say or do to help these people if they don’t want it. They can save themselves from drowning if they just stand up.

Today I am blessed! Without the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, the 12 steps, my sponsor and my support group I would not be where I am. To have the tools to be able to cope with those triggers. Life is a journey and I’m grateful for the reminders of where I came from. And especially where I never want to go back to.

Grateful recovering addict Lauren

Area Service Work

A new commitment in service work began today. I went to my first area meeting and that was an experience. I’m the new Alternate GSR for my home group. Service work keeps me vigilant in my recovery.

Detox Commitment

At the end of this month, on Easter Sunday my sponsor and I are going to detox to share our experience strength and hope. I love doing that because that’s where my journey started. I’m excited to go spread the message and tell my story. However, I have a very real fear of sharing. My disease tells me that I sound stupid and I don’t make any sense, even though I know that’s not true.

Step Work

I go over step 4 work on Tuesday I can’t wait to do that. To get all that off my chest and let it go. Then I can move on and start my step 5 work. It’s not that I am or want to rush through the step work. Rather, it’s the ability to keep growing through my step work. And that’s just really exciting to me.

Live In The Solution

I’m starting to share more in meetings. When I do share I try to share my problem and then my solution. Today I don’t sit in my problems anymore. Instead I look for a solution. That’s what recovery teaches us, to live in the solution. I’m accepting slowly that I’m right where I’m need to be for today and I get involved as much as I can.

Noticeable Changes

Someone came up to me today and expressed how much I’ve changed and how proud of me he was. It made me feel really good because I know how much I’ve changed and the foot work I have put in. But when someone you look up to notices it, well, It fells good.

Clean and Serene

My life today is great! A life I never dreamed of having. My dad and sisters are in my life again, and a mom that loves me will always be there for me. I have the best sponsor ever. A beautiful girlfriend and she’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman and relationship. A few close best friends that are always there for me, my support group. And a wonderful puppy who loves me unconditionally. I’m clean & serene and genuinely happy today. Everyday isn’t easy but it’s worth it! I’m worth it and so are you, we all are. It works if you work it. Trust your struggle, The best is yet to come!

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki

Act On Impulses

Ok so I feel really terrible about relapsing and honestly pretty humiliated but with time that will hopefully pass. I need to work on waiting and thinking things through before I act on impulses due to my feelings. coping mechanisms. I know that impulses to use are fleeting and I really don’t have cravings that often. So I dont know why I acted totally INSANE. Besides the fact that I am crazy and an addict so….the outcome sucks.

Recovery Meeting

The A club meeting was pretty awesome tonight. They actually sort of began debating during the meeting! Talking about making amends. Some people were for going to the jail or the court house and telling on themselves for crimes they had committed in the past, and doing time for them. One guy’s stance was that if you did that then you could carry your message of sobriety to prison. Marcy said she felt the meeting had taken a turn for the worse.

Nervous Habits

I had to say I relapsed at S.A.S.T.O., and that sucked. My nerves were so crazy I laughed and it was totally inappropriate, and I know I tend to do that. Another nervous habit I started while in dental school is clenching my teeth. I have got to stop or I’m going to ruin my enamel. This started when trying to remember the anatomy and the numerical dentition of the teeth during tests/exams. Now that I’m sober I’m noticing the weirdo stuff I do.

Hope To Learn Myself

I’m still happy to be here. This is an opportunity to change my life that I have never had before and feel terrible I compromised myself. I don’t know why I self-sabotage. I guess I don’t know how to be successful. Maybe success scares me? I’m so used to letting everyone down. So I’m taking suggestions. I’ve made a woman’s group my home group. And I’m reaching out and talking to woman regularly that have good recovery and time.

The World Doesn’t Stop After Relapse

Other than that…spent the evening watching an hour and a half of shows on the History channel, did some shopping. My Aunt started radiation this week. I’ve been trying to call her but neither her or my uncle will answer. They don’t know the house number. My mom does though so no worries there. I just was wondering how she was. I left her a message letting her know I was thinking about her and love her. They have been my only support. They stood by me when my parents wouldn’t. I’ll talk to her soon. I’m sure she doesn’t feel like being on the phone.

It Gets Better

My head is still muddled but it helps to pour it all out and maybe someone will identify. I’m lost at the moment but I see so many other addicts and alcoholics actually doing great. They all tell me the beginning is like this and it gets better.

Jayme

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