So today is New Year’s! I’m grateful to be starting this year off clean & serene. Last night on New Year’s Eve we all went to the NA Dance. It was so much fun! Dancing and fellow shipping. I can’t dance for shit but that’s ok. This is the third year I’ve been to the NA New Years Dance.
Family Relationships
Today I have 79 days clean, I just finished going over step 2 with my sponsor and I’m about to start step 3. My life today is really good. I have some family relationship issues that I’m dealing with but that’s okay to feel those feelings and to be hurting. My sponsor told me that my higher power is protecting me from this relationship I’m not ready for right now. Even though I want it now. That’s my instant gratification kicking in. Relationships in recovery requires trust in my higher power.
So, I trust in my higher power and my sponsor and to have faith things will fall into place when the timing is right. The relationships I do have in my life today I’m very grateful for and the people in my life today genuinely care about me and love me. I video chat with my sister and niece everyday. We are building a relationship that we have never had before. My nephew texts me everyday.
Give Myself More Credit
The girl’s in the transitional house are great. Especially the owner of the house, she is an inspiration and sees something in me I don’t see in myself. My sponsor tells me I need to give myself more credit for everything I am doing and to keep doing the next right thing. I guess that’s a character defect of mine. I’m working on it one day at a time just trying to be a better person than I was yesterday. Trust your Struggle… The best is yet to come. I am an addict.
H.O.W. or, How to stay clean is what I’m writing about today. I heard it the first time in rehab. On our moral inventories every night there was a question asking if “You were Honest, Open minded & Willing, In my interactions with others throughout the day.” And the residents would say, “yes. I was H.O.W. today”. And so I’d laugh because I didn’t know what the abbreviations meant. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness are 3 very important things in recovery.
By being honest with myself, my higher power, my sponsor and others, it’s a principle to my recovery. Being honest has never got me in trouble in my recovery or with others. The truth might result in hurting their feelings but it’s better than lying, because of the insanity of lies that you have to continue to keep up with that one lie. If I’m not honest with myself how am I going to grow or be honest with anyone else. This is the first time I’m honest in my step work and completely honest with others. It feels great.
Open Minded
There was a time in my recovery I wasn’t open-minded. I had a closed mind and waned to do things my way! My way never works out and I always went back out doing things my way. I didn’t listen and take suggestions. Now I listen and keep an open mind on what people have to say.
Willingness
Today I’m willing to do the work. When my sponsor suggests something I do it. I want what she has and I’m willing to do anything to stay clean and have a strong recovery. I’m willing to be uncomfortable by being uncomfortable in doing things I’m not comfortable with had helped me grow as a person and in my recovery. Today I’m willing to do what the program suggests. Its a simple program I just make things complicated. I shut up and listened, and did what was suggested. Now actually working and living the program.
My life is good today and one day at a time i will be honest opened and willing to do whatever out takes to stay clean .Trust your struggle. The best is yet to come! I am an addict. I have 65 days clean
December 26,2016
My name is Lauren and I am an addict in recovery. I have been clean for 44 days today. Today is the day after Christmas and holidays are always the hardest for me. This Christmas I wasn’t able to see my son because of things going on in my life and my son’s father not approving. I know that resentments make you sick and they affect you more than they do the person you’re resented. But right now I’m holding a big resentment against my son’s father. I haven’t seen my son in 44 days since I’ve been clean again.
Truth
I chose to tell him the truth about me relapsing because I didn’t want to feel the guilt about it and in the long run it caused for him to keep Ayden from me. In the beginning I would always laugh back and react to all the nasty comments he was making and play into whatever game he was playing. As I sat and talked with people in my support group and people that have seen this done and have went through it themselves, I took suggestions on how to handle this situation. I no longer play into the games he’s playing and I don’t react back at any manipulative comment he’s making. Now he feels like he’s losing control and it’s making him even more angry. I know that this is going to be a long process but one day I will have my son back and I have to keep pushing forward if I want to succeed.
What Truth Taught Me
Right now it hurts and it’s going to but I can’t let it affect me or my recovery. How am I going to be a mother If I can’t stay clean. Resentments make me sick inside, and they make me want to isolate. Isolation will make me go back out so I have to keep reaching out to my support group and follow the suggestions of others and one day I will have my kid back.and just for today I’m clean and learning go live with the consequences of my actions.
Learning To Accept The Truth And Take The Suggestions Of Others In Recovery
The changes I made in Recovery has given me so many gifts. Like this is the first year that I’m able and willing to buy Christmas presents for my family and close friends. I can honestly say that I work my ass off for an honest paycheck to buy honest presents for my people. Before I always lied, stole or manipulated the money to get presents but today I choose not to do that. In all honesty my family doesn’t want anything from me, but to see me healthy, happy and clean. Life today isn’t always a happy wonderland. Everyday there are struggles but today I look for the solution, instead of staying in the problem.
The Changes I Made In Recovery Have Given Me So Many Gifts.
Christmas Parade
I went to the Christmas parade with my family and the girl’s in my recovery house which are also family. I had such a great fucking time. Being there clean and with people that care and love me was just awesome. I was dancing to the band’s, laughing, smiling- just enjoying life. My sister in Louisiana asked me yesterday if my friend and I want to come visit in March. That right there is a gift of recovery.
Working Step Two
I’m on step two now and working on the insanity part. I’m not going to lie its making me feel some type of way but I keep writing and calling my sponsor. I’m grateful I get to experience those feelings today, even though some are bad, good and indifferent.
Doing The Little Things
Tonight I’m going to a meeting. I look forward to going to meetings most days. The days I don’t want to go is when I really need to go. We just all cooked breakfast together in my recovery house that shit means a lot to me! Just doing the little things like that mean so much. I never spent time with people like that in my active addiction. I spent all my time either in a bathroom, in my room or chasing my next fix.
Better Everyday
So it’s a blessing that I don’t have to do that shit anymore. I can live life today. By working this program I can learn and deal with life on life’s terms. I’m becoming a better person everyday by doing the next right thing. I am an addict and today is Day 58 for me. Trust your struggle… The best is yet to come!
1 Great Reason to Belong To An Anonymous 12 Step Fellowship
This is very difficult to write because I’ve waited well over a year to write this. To give this story its proper respect, it should have been written a long time ago, but the universe, I guess wanted it to age and shape itself in my growing awareness.
Three years ago when i was still new to recovery, and new enough to think I knew what I was doing, I lived in a sober home. Well one day i was informed that a new roommate was coming. I was concerned for her because , the sober home I was living in was not so sober. I volunteered the extra bed in my room although I was enjoying the privacy with no roommate.
Roommates In A Sober Home
My roommate moved in and instantly I knew she was biten by the bug of recovery. She was on the pink cloud. I became all that much more protective of her, and you would too if you met her.
Conviction
She identified masculine and was the most perfect and beautiful androgynous person, I had met. Not in the middle of the decision but had already fought all those judgments from people familiar and not ready for the change as well as those who are just simply ignorant. She was committed and convicted in her identity.
Magnetic Nature
She was open and friendly and shared everything from her taste in music (punk) to her new understanding of recovery. Her positive nature was magnetic and breathed new life into everyone’s recovery. Our efforts in recovery were stepped up by all of us.
Spiritual Principles
She introduced me to a different fellowship and we worked different jobs together. We were indeed close although radically different people. But with our spiritual principles taught to us in our program, we were truthful even when it may be a confrontation and always caring.
An Inspiration
What made her positive nature and gravitation to the program even more of an inspiration was that no matter how many meetings she attended, and that was every day, sometimes several times a day, and no matter how far she went in her step work, she was still going to be sentenced to prison for up to five years. She went to her final court hearing with incredible dignity, looking amazing and formal, surrounded by other clean/sober friends. She held her faith and was handcuffed for the last time.
Efforts Made
In July of 2016, another friend informed me that my friend and old roommate was going to be released from prison after a year and half. But she was concerned because there was no where for her to be released to. The sober home she planned on returning to did indeed fail due to bad practices. It was then that I made efforts to procure that same home for better intentions.
Coming Home
October 1st, 2017 my dear friend came home to me. The main image on this post is that very day. We all look haggard but we were indeed happy.
Journey with friends that become family
She continued her recovery doing very well and in no time she was independent herself. She had her ups and downs as I did also, but mostly living life to its fullest in recovery.
We are still nothing a like and agree on very little, except one huge thing…the program that we both follow. And today you will not find a more fierce and loyal friendship like the one we share.
The boys getting their pose on
We share our family and my boys adore her. She has taken them to punk concerts and works out with them. The video is a day we shared as a family, enjoy!
The one good reason to belong to a an anonymous 12 step program is the people.
Thank you for reading and this and I hope that one day you will know a fellowship like this one.
