Starting To Find Balance
Relationships are very important to me today, both blood family and my new family. They provide me support on my journey in life as changes happen. Like I just got switched from night shift to day shift at my job. It’s been almost two weeks and my world is still out of balance. My whole schedule changed. The meetings I’ve been going to changed a little bit, but I’m starting to find balance and it’s working out.
The Other Side
I just picked up a new service commitment at the detox where my journey started I’m so excited about it. I’m very passionate about doing H& I service work, and spreading the seeds of hope. I went to the jail again last Friday to take a meeting. One of the correction officers remembered me from 8 years ago, and said that I look really good and to keep doing what I’m doing. That was a great feeling. To be in the jail, but on the other side today.
Trials And Tribulations
This past month has had its blessings and it’s trials and tribulations. My pop- pop got sick and went to the hospital. Now he’s in the rehabilitation center getting physical therapy. Hopefully it works because if it don’t and he can’t walk anymore, he’s going to have to live there. That would be sad.
Attempt To Build A Relationship
This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. I haven’t really had any relationship with my mom my whole life. So I called her to try and build that relationship. Everything I was telling her that I’ve accomplished or what I’m doing she had something nasty to say and put me down. Like that’s my mother, she should be proud of me. Everything nasty she said to me I didn’t react. I just acted like I didn’t hear her comments.
It Is What It Is
Not everything needs a reaction today. But my sponsor said I shouldn’t have put up with the way she was talking to me. She suggested I should have just said ok, love you and bye I gotta go. Instead, I sat on the phone and listened to it cause it’s been months since I’ve heard her voice. My sister even called me after and said she was sorry that mom was acting like that towards me. I just said it is what it is and I tried.
God hasn’t brought that relationship into my life because it’s toxic and unhealthy. I may never have a relationship with my mom. But at least I know I’ve kept my side of the street clean. All I can do is pray and find acceptance. I’m grateful for the amazing people and family I do have in my life.
Open Arms And Hearts
You don’t pick who your blood family is, but you can pick your family. The people who know you best and open up their arms and hearts for you. I’m grateful for my dad, my sisters and brothers, my close friends, and a lady I call mom. That’s because she opened up her heart like I was one of her own and has always been there for me. She’s always given me guidance, a shoulder to cry on, laughter and ice cream trips. Because we all know ice cream cures all things lol.
Quality Over Quantity
My support group isn’t huge because I prefer quality over quantity. I’ve learned that the hard way, but the people close to me are amazing, genuine and loving. We all aren’t perfect but we are perfect for each other.
Step Eleven Awakenings
I’ve been working on my eleventh step, and I’m getting this now. Like praying and meditating for the answers. Since I’ve been on the eleventh step I’ve had many spiritual awakenings. I pray, but I have a problem with listening and waiting for the answers in God’s time not mine. By working this step I’ve made progress and my higher power is probably like “about time you listened and waited for my answers” lol. I’m grateful for my life today the ups the downs. I live a life I never thought was possible. A life beyond my wildest dreams! I know with my recovery first, anything is possible.
I’m a grateful recovery addict named Nikki, and today I have 19 Months clean!