My Higher Power continues to provide me with unbelievable gifts in the short time of being at the Da Vinci Home. I have an amazing sponsor, sponsee family, and my S.A.S.T.O. home-group. I am currently working on my 3rd step in NA. In December, I completed my DUI probation and most recently got my drivers license back after 2 1/2 years! Continuing to do the next right thing has resulted in blessings from my Higher Power indeed!
Recovery First
I am grateful for so much today. First and foremost, a safe place to live. The women in my life love me unconditionally, and provide me with incredible support and suggestions. Reunification with my children is a blessing I hope to receive. Until then, I will continue to focus on my recovery. Today I know as long as I stay sustained in putting my recovery first, work my steps honestly, open mindedly and willingly my life will continue to be full of blessings.
Day 310 clean and sober in my recovery. 10 months and 4 days since I last used. It seems like another lifetime, almost. I owe much of the gifts in recovery to Angie and the Da Vinci Home.
Faith in Higher Power
Today I struggle with a career change. I’ve been working for a small recycling company. It’s been a good, close by, and honest way to make a living. Unfortunately, my wrists are taking a beating and I’ve been nursing a strain nearly a week. This is causing me some distress as this recycling job has been paying my bills for several months now. I’ve taken the day off to rest my injured joints and to look for a new job. I hope to find one that won’t cause physical or mental harm to me. Although I’m pretty bummed out over the job situation, I’m overall in pretty good spirits. I know that if I continue to do the next right thing and put in the footwork that my Higher Power will take care of the details. I didn’t always have faith; but I do now.
Grateful Today
Coming to Da Vinci has changed my life for the better. I was in a toxic living arrangement before I came here. Angie took me in and gave me a bedroom with a door. A door may seem pretty basic to the average person, but for me it means the world. I didn’t have a job when I came here. And I’ve been through several since I’ve come here. But Angie hasn’t lost faith in me and I’ve been doing my best to meet my responsibilities. I had’t seen either of my children in months. But, through Angie and Da Vinci, my daughter spent her Christmas Break with me. The other girls here made her feel welcome and comfortable. I am hugely grateful for the amazing gifts that recovery and Da Vinci have given me.
So I’m trucking along on this road to recovery ever mindful of the bottom that brought me to the rooms. Each gift is a blessing. Each trouble is a lesson. But my will is aligned now with the Creative Consciousness and I know that All will be Well.
My name is Lauren and I am an addict. I have been clean for almost 9 months. My commitment to recovery has been what has saved my ass for the last 9 months. In the beginning I was so close minded, especially towards my step work. I always wondered how writing down everything would to help me in my recovery. But as I continue working the steps, I have realized that my step work is crucial to my recovery.
Working Step Three
I just finished up three and I’m going on to step four. For me this time I’ve been able to honestly work the steps and dig deep. The spiritual principles that I’ve had to practice mainly our honesty open-mindedness and willingness. But the biggest one which entails step three is commitment. Step work is absolutely crucial to my recovery, but there are other things that I also need to do to maintain my commitment to recovery.
Service Commitments
One of those is service work. I always make sure I pick up a service commitment within my home group. My last commandment was giving out key tags. This month my commitment is to chair the meeting. Picking up a commitment like that keeps my butt in check, and it also makes me feel a part of something bigger. Something outside of myself. I’ve also talked to my sponsor and she feels as if I should pick up a commitment outside my home group as well. So the next couple months I’m going to try to go into the detox and speak with other addicts that are trying to get clean. I’ve been through a lot and my story may help someone else. Talking about my Experience, Strength and Hope may just save the life of another addict as it did mine when I heard somebody else.
Turn My Will Over
My recovery is everything to me, and I have to stay humble because everything that I have gotten back and everything I have learned has been because I chose to put my recovery first. So I know that anything that goes before my recovery I will lose. I have things going on in my life, but I turn my will over to my Higher Power and ask for guidance for help with these things that are out of my control, and I know things will be okay when they are supposed to be. My life is a journey and I’m glad I get to experience it clean.
I can’t say that I’m some guru in spirituality or expert on religion by any means. In fact I’d go as far as to say that I’m still very much so a novice. Which I hope this doesn’t make me sounds like I’m coming to summit on Mt stupid. I’ll try and keep my opinions strictly to what I have found in my recent endeavors into spiritually. And this is how to have spirituality in recovery. This seems to be a bit of an overwhelming maybe ambitious statement.
I’m still a novice, so I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m coming to summit on mount stupid.
I believe that spirituality is actually a very easy thing to find. My belief is you actually have to go out of your way to ignore it. From a very early age we are subjected to spiritual teachings in the form of religion. Which for many actually turns into a sore topic. I myself have gone through my “Agnostic/Atheist” phases.
Becoming More Open Minded
For me religion at first was a huge turn off, so when I decided to work on my spiritual self, I went to build a god work shop. I picked and pulled from different religions to figure out which best fit me. I could easily write off some religions as wrong or some religions were just “too far out there” for me. After dabbling, reading, and practicing I found myself subscribing to more and more. Eventually I realized that I was just simply becoming more open minded. Then I came to this realization, There is no right or wrong religion as long as those religions follow spiritual principles. You’ll find that most religions actually over lap in many ways. Its just different ways to practice these spiritual principles. Most every religion has the “gold rule.”
Do Not Look For Spirituality In Material Things
Spirituality, this is a difficult thing to describe. Abstract, foreign, alien? Spirituality for me is the thing that fills the void. We’re constantly sold the narrative that “money can’t buy you happiness.” So if material things can’t make me happy what can? For me I’ve always lived a pretty good life. No struggles, naturally gifted in many ways. Here’s the thing though, I always felt like I needed more. This is easily described in Buddhism as the four noble truths. 1. There is suffering. 2. The origin of suffering is desire. 3. There is a way to stop desire. 4.To stop desire follow the 8 fold path. Even in Christianity Jesus talks about desire and greed. “Watch out! Be on your guard of all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions” Luke 12:15
A wonderful Journey That Never Has To End
With this being said we’ve figured out that we’ve been chasing the wrong thing this entire time. As I’ve mentioned before, spirituality is the thing that fills the void. I’ve had a lot and felt empty and I have had little and I felt full. There are many ways to feed your spiritual being and it is up to you to figure out how. There are many wonderful enlightening ways to go about this. So many wonderful journeys to take. The coolest thing about this journey is that it never has to end.
So my life is really good today. I’m still living at the Da Vinci Home with Angie and an amazing group of women here, I have a great job that I actually enjoy going to, and I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me dearly… Yet I still feel alone and empty. Everything is going great in my life right now, and I should be enjoying it, but only to a certain extent. I still just can’t help but feel like something is missing. There’s a lot of work to do on myself which is probably a big part of my void. I’ve been clean and sober for almost 7 months now and still haven’t started my step work. I guess part of it is that I’m just scared of what I’m going to find out about myself.
Visiting Family
I went to NJ for Christmas to my sister’s house to spend the week there. We hadn’t seen each other in over 2 years. It was so exciting seeing her and my neices and nephew. We had a really great time together and I honestly can’t wait to do it again! I have lost so much of my family. I never had a Dad growing up, my mom died at the very young age of 51 when I was just 27, my Grandma who I was extremely close to passed away a few years ago, my aunt and uncle who I used to be very close with, along with my cousins choose not to be associated with me due to my addiction, as well as my only son Shawn. So my only family is my sister and her children, which is fine. I love them very much and they are all very proud of how well I’m doing today and how far I’ve come.
Some Relationships Are Better Than Others
My relationship with my sister is probably better today than it’s ever been and I am so grateful! I know it’s about time to start some serious work on myself with the help from my sponsor. I do know one thing for sure, I’m right where I belong today! My life is far from perfect, but it’s perfect for me right now. I’m gonna try some step work soon, so hang tight and I’ll let ya know how that works out for me! To be continued…..
Me, Myself, & I, Jen
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