Resident Blogs

Blessing Of Trust Received

Addiction Equals Loss

We lose a lot when we are in active addiction.  Speaking for myself, I lost a relationship with my son, lost my husband and home, pets, lost relationships with family and friends, lost employment, and lost tangibles.  However, we lose a lot more just within ourselves, at least I know I did.  My self esteem, self worth, self respect, integrity, reliability, trust.  The list goes on and on.  This blog though, is about receiving a blessing of Trust from someone very dear to me.

 Burning Away Their Hope

When I was actively using, I was not a dependable person in any positive way.  The only thing anyone could really depend on was my picking up the bottle again and continuing to burn away any hope those who loved me had.  Can I blame them?  For over 3 years my addiction is all anyone noticed.

Opportunity to Focus

Almost two years ago, I came into the Da Vinci Home, and was given the opportunity to focus on myself and my recovery.  Did I do it perfectly?  Of course not!  There have been relapses in that time, but when they happened I would change something.  Obviously relapse happens because we are not being honest, holding reservations, or even simply not working our recovery program.

Relapse and Change

About six months ago I re-surrendered to the Narcotics Anonymous program.  There was a different level of support with the fellowship in the town I live, and it attracted me to want to be a part of what “they” had.  I am blessed with my sponsor I have today and the relationship we are building.  She is an amazing woman with a beautiful soul.  There many relationships I have been blessed with today, but I want to share about one in particular.

Grieving Loss

This friendship is like something I have never had before with a woman.  The closest comparison would be my lost marriage due to my alcoholism and promises not kept.  My ex husband was my best friend, and we did everything together.  It was the kind of marriage others couldn’t grasp and even envied.  When I was grieving the loss of my marriage I remember praying to have that back, that type of relationship.

Have Faith

My best friend is the owner and operator of Da Vinci Home, Angelique.  Over the past two years a friendship naturally bloomed.  She has been like a sister to me, a sister I never had.  I’ve have trusted her advice and suggestions throughout my time here.  Even when those suggestions told me to quit a job because it was compromising my recovery; to have faith that the Universe would provide, so long as I kept doing the right things.

Live In Gratitude

In December I got complacent with my restrictions of community control, and I deviate from my schedule.  This resulted in a violation of probation that carried a sentence of 3 months.  Those three months allowed me to make peace with what happened, due to my own actions, and have faith that everything would be alright.  It was a lesson that I needed to be present, live in gratitude, and that my freedom will come at the appropriate time.

Blessed With Trust

When I came home three weeks ago Angie told me she wanted to talk to me about something before I rushed out to find a job.  This is where the Universe blessed me with what I thought I had lost forever.  The conversation started off with her sharing with positive attributes she sees in me, how she values our friendship, and how much she loves me.  She presented me with an offer to work together, to start a business together.  An offer truly beyond words.  My blessing came during this conversation, when Angie told me she trusted me.  To hear her repeat the words “Lissi, I trust you” was just WOW Experience!  I haven’t gained or earned trust in over three years, I had only lost trust.

Lost and Found

See, while in active addiction I deluded myself into thinking I was still a person of integrity and absolutely wasn’t.  The beautiful part is the Universe has returned to me what I prayed on and thought I had lost forever.  I’m able to live, work and share my life with my best friend again.  No, it is not with a man.  This friendship is even more special because of not being complicated with sex.  It is just a positive, pure, natural, healthy relationship with a best friend, a sister, who I love dearly.

The Universe Provides

My getting honest, surrendering and accepting my addiction has allowed me to have her in my life.  And not just with Angie, as I have been able to build other healthy relationships today because of being in recovery.  My life will continue to be blessed as I continue moving forward and doing the right things.  The Universe always provides us with what we need at the right time.  And I was provided a gift in the form of a beautiful friend named Angelique.
~Lissi

My Life Today

My Year Celebration

My name is Lauren and I’m an addict I have been clean for a little over 11 months now.  I am coming up on my Year Celebration on April 29th 2017.  This is the first time that I actually truly worked the program, took the suggestions and remained open minded and came to love my life today.

Working The Steps

I was very close minded before about the program and working the steps.  My belief was that the steps weren’t going to help me and that they were just going to bring up more pain that I didn’t want to face.  But in all reality I actually just finished up step four and I couldn’t be more relieved.  Yeah, I had to dig things up that I didn’t want to face but I had to face them in order to grow and heal.

For Our Son

I have been through a lot in the past year, especially with dealing with my son’s father.  We have had to go to court for child support and for some reason in the beginning we just couldn’t get along no matter what.  Lately we’ve had a lot of doctors appointment concerning my son’s health, and so for the sake of our son we have been able to get along.

Change Within

A lot of things have changed in the past year especially within myself.  I now work recovery in and outside the rooms.  I make sure I make my meetings and because of my work schedule lately I have been able to make four a week.  I’m able to balance between meetings, work, sponsor, my son and my friends.

My Life Today

I have gotten to my year mark before but never truly did any work what so ever on Lauren.  Never did I do the self work because I didn’t want to look inside myself.  Through this work I began to really know who Lauren is and hence what I deserve in life.  I love my life today!  If you would have asked me a year ago if I loved my life my answer would have been “I don’t even want to be here anymore”.  It’s a sad but very truly honest statement.  I pushed through until my miracle happened and glad I stayed.

Grateful addict,Lauren

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To Have And Spread Hope

Grateful And Receptive

I’m Nikki I’m an addict Today I have 187 days clean. What is better than spreading hope?  On Easter Sunday I went to the rehab I was at 2 years ago and brought a meeting.  That was a great experience and I’m grateful I get to do these service commitments today.  The people were so grateful & receptive to our stories.

Spreading Hope

This was the first time I ever shared my story besides with my sponsor. Rehab is where my journey started, that’s why I enjoy bringing a meeting there and giving them hope. A little over 6 months ago I was where they are right now.  Therefore I know that if I was able to change my life around, they can do it too.  And I believe spreading the message provides the hope they need because it did for me.

Ready For The Challenge

I have been looking into schools and decided I am ready to go back.  More importantly, I am ready for the challenge.  After some research I have decided to go into engineering.  Going back to school is so exciting, especially the opportunities it will open up for me.  I know I can do it but I also have that fear of failure. So today I’m going to go check out some schools and see what it’s going to take for me to get this going and get myself enrolled. Trust your struggle; the best is yet to come.

A grateful recovering addict Nikki

Finding My Balance

 Finding Balance

I’m Nikki, I’m an addict. Today i have 226 days clean. I’m having a hard time finding my balance between work, family, my service commitments, meetings, step work, friends, family, spending time with my girlfriend and my me time.  The past month I’ve had some struggles I lost a job and then got another one.  My Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and I’m fucking scared.  My dad has always been my rock and has always been by my side through this journey.  I feel like I’m constantly going all day everyday and its exhausting both mentally and physically.

Hope For Treatment

I’ve been having symptoms of my hep c and its taking a toll on my body. I’m in the process of getting treatment.  In about a week I’m going to go get blood work and then I’ll be able to start taking the treatment medication. I’m so excited to get treated and I’m so grateful I found this clinic that does provides treatment for free.

Able To Help Today

My dad got diagnosed and hasn’t been feeling well lately.  I’ve been helping him out on my days off.  I’m grateful for being able to be there for him today clean and sober.

Spreading The Message

I remember when I first got clean, I always had to go go go.  However, now I enjoy being by myself because I’m comfortable with myself today and most of all I love myself today. I usually balance everything well, however I committed to more service commitments this past month.  I’m almost done with step six, I’m the alternate GSR of my home group, a member of PR, I go to detox and share my story once a month, and I really enjoy doing that because that’s where my journey started. I love doing service work it’s giving back what was freely giving to me and saved my life. That’s where I heard the message of Narcotics Anonymous.

From Struggle Comes Strength

Therefore, I’m working on my balance.  Today I’m relaxing all day and taking an easy. I’m grateful for the the struggles because from struggle comes strength.  I know too my higher power wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle.

A grateful recovering addict,  Nikki

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Road To A Happy Destiny

Happy Destiny

So I’m nearly a year into recovery.  I’ve been trudging the road to a happy destiny using 12 step programs.  I’ve even connected with my Higher Power.  All is well.  Don’t get me wrong.  But a few months ago something changed.

Exploring Buddha

My sponsor started watching a Netflix show about Siddhartha Buddha.  She said it was kind of corny but told his entire life.  She loved it so much that I decided to give it a gander.  And I loved it.  I was immediately drawn into this world I’d known very little about before.  Suddenly the life of Buddha as he grew into a man, and made his way of life much more meaningful and approachable.

Similarity of Principles

After I finished the miniseries, I spoke with my sponsor about how similar some of the Buddhist principles are to the Steps.  We decided to look into Buddhism and the 12 steps as sort of a pet project.  Little did we know… we were onto Something!

New Discovery

We found a book by a man who has worked his program with the addition of Buddhism.  His writing style makes no mystery that he is One of Us.  The next logical step was…. making a meeting of our new discovery.

Creating Meeting Format

A small group of us met up for several weeks… practicing meditation, playing with a Buddhist singing bowl, sampling incense, reading and discussing topics from our book.   Finally we managed to hammer out a workable format.  SO EXCITING!!!

Dharma At The Docks

My sponsor took our format to the board of directors for a local 12 step club.  And they agreed that we can hold our meetings there once a week.  I am completely over the moon that our Dharma at the Docks now has a home.

Magic In My Life

I never set out to revolutionize how the 12 Steps are done.  I certainly never thought to become religious.  But somehow the addition of Buddhist principles to the spiritual principles of the Anonymous programs seems to have worked some magic in my life.  I feel more centered and at ease in my own skin than I have in years.  It is apparent to me to be part of my road to a happy destiny.  Thanks Higher Power for bringing things together so that I may grow.