experience, strength and hope in recovery

Self Sabotage

Self sabotage means to deliberately obstruct or destroy something. And that something has been anything I ever cared about while active in my addiction. Okay, so I don’t know about you, but I often obsess over the negative. Even when life seems to be going PRETTY FREAKING GREAT. I mean really, it’s more like ESPECIALLY when things are going great. So, let the sabotage begin.

Seeking Validation

When I’m feeling insecure I’ll seek validation through anyone, and through anything. And usually 10 times out of 10 I will wind up feeling horrible about these actions and it results in more misery and self hatred. Why is valuing ourselves so hard?! I think it’s because we absolutely do not want to look inside. For so long we avoided what was wrong or lacking inside ourselves by using in active addiction. But really, it’s so easy to rattle off 10 things that you don’t like about yourself, am I rite? Lets change it up though. What’s one thing you love about you? You deserve to love yourself. What thought would be your most thought about thought? Imagine you switched that up and became obsessed with your every little success. Yassss girl – boy – human – alien, you amazing, creative, beautiful, abundant creature. LOVE YO SELF

Sam

Finding Myself In Recovery

Monday, October 23, 2017

Finding Myself

So this is my second blog since I’ve been here and many changes have taken place. People have come and gone, people have relapsed, have gone back to detox, and so many different personalities in the house. I feel like at this point I’m still trying to “find myself.” I’m working a part time job at Dollar Tree which I enjoy, but don’t really want to be here long term. I’m still looking for my ideal job, something that I can stay at long term. Realistically I don’t think that will happen for a while. Only because I don’t feel like my mind is right yet. After using drugs and alcohol for such a long time it will take some time for me to feel “normal” again. I seem to forget things very often and I have trouble remembering.

Having People That Are There For Me

Angie, here at DaVinci has been really amazing. She’s been dealing with so much in and outside of the house, and has been so patient with me being behind on my rent. I pay what I can when I get paid and hopefully will be working another job soon so that I can get caught up with my back rent still owed. Through this all, I know that she’s always here for me which is a feeling I haven’t felt in such a long time.

No Instant Stability

Having a stable job I think rarely happens right away when you first get clean and sober. I’ve gone through two already, and on my third job now. Which means there were some gaps that I was out of work completely until I found something else.

My Best Interest

I did finally get a sponsor after about 6 weeks being here. She’s a wonderful woman and has been giving me assignments periodically. I’ve done some writing and have been reading over the steps thoroughly. Starting to write about the steps has been a scary thought to me. As I read them, I get a lot of memories and thoughts in my head. Some that I don’t want to remember let alone write about. I know it’s obviously in my best interest to start. I will let you know how the process goes in my next blog! That’s all for now.

Just Me, Myself, & I Jen

Recovery Life Check In

I’m just checking in with my recovery life. The way my life is going right now I wouldn’t change for the world. When I choose to look at the positive rather then the negative my whole mindset changes. Not everyday is all rainbows and ponies but everyday clean is better then any day I had using. I have been going through a situation with my son’s father and I was recently served child support papers. My first thought was to retaliate but then I prayed about it and put it in my higher powers hands. I am still waiting to see where we are going to go from here but I am no longer stressing about it.

On A Good Note

On a good note I have gained a lot of friendships lately and have friends here that I’m able to talk to when I can’t reach my sponsor. Today I have best friends that are women. Never did I think I would befriend a woman again after my best friend passed. I have people that truly care about me and sincerely ask how my day is and know when I need to someone to talk to verses needing to just be alone.

My Life Is Amazing

I’m working two jobs but my schedules haven’t been clashing to much lately, because I asked for some leeway. My request was to not to be scheduled crazy closing shifts since I have to be up early to open. Right now I don’t see my son as much as I would like but in time things are going to change. My life is amazing and I couldn’t do it without NA my support group and my friends who have turned into family. I am an addict. And I have been clean for a little over seven months now.

Grateful recovering addict , Lauren

What Unmanageable means

Congrats! First of all, pat yourself on the back for making it this far to read the blogs. There’s always something to be found in the message shared by others. Now I want to Share what unmanageable means..

My life this week, and of course in the years passed, have been unmanageable. The thing is understanding what unmanageable means, and actually looking up the definition can be very different or eye opening. My sponsor asked me to define some terms related to recovery this past week, and Unmanageable was one of them.

I To Understand Better

When I looked up the definition, I wasn’t satisfied with what was provided. The definition I found was: unruly, wild. So, being the addict I am, I wanted more; at least this was a healthy behavior or action today. So, I decided to look at synonyms for the word unmanageable, and what I found was almost scary in a sense, but so true and on point for where my life was, past and present. I am going to share with you these synonyms: Awkward, Berserk, Chaotic, Crazy, Disobedient, Disorderly, Hysterical, Lawless, Madcap, Nuts, Out of Control, Outrageous, Riotous, Rowdy, Turbulent, Unbridled, Uncontrollable, Uncontrolled, Undisciplined, Ungovernable, Unrestrained, Violent.

This Was My Life

Wow! This is my life, this is what I have been for the past four years of my life. It’s beyond what just our every day definition of unmanageable means. Yes, chaotic, disorderly, rowdy, turbulent. But, no it’s been so much more than that. It has been Disobedient, Lawless, Madcap, Riotous, Undisciplined, Ungovernable, Unrestrained, and most of all scary but true is Violent.

We Deserve Peace

Second, the message I want you, who ever you are, to understand is, don’t wait until all of these terms apply to the unmanageability in your life. You are worth more, you are more than these terms. You deserve to know that there are places, and people to help you. There are places and people who will love you, be there for you, even if you don’t see that worth yet yourself. Let them be there for you until you do see you are worth more, and deserve more. We all deserve Peace, Serenity, Happiness and Healthy Love in our lives every day!

Come Journey

This place for me is Da Vinci Home. I have found these things and more here. I have found a new family! Come join us in your journey!

Lissi

I Need To Remain Humble

Remaining humble was a constant reminder to me this past week. Humble enough to ask for help, to seek help and to accept help. Through God’s grace, I was blessed with a moment of clarity that allowed me another fresh start. The gratitude that comes along with coming to this realization is insurmountable.

Past Knowledge, Does Not Equal Today’s Recovery

Although I find it extremely difficult, I continue to walk through life as a woman of integrity, to the best of my ability. Still within the fog, I am beginning to notice how integral it is to remain humble. I easily confuse my past knowledge when choosing to take action today. However, it has become increasingly obvious that all of that past knowledge does not bring much to avail. This is why change is so important. Without change we will continue to get the same results, and that is not acceptable. Through this process I continue to have faith, although at times it is painful because growth only comes with time and dedication. Dedication to remain honest with my work in recovery. I pray that, God willing, I can continue this positive path of recovery.

Humbly yours,

Sammantha