Turning Things Over

Praying for good things

Turning Things Over

My goal is to do a step a month so when I get a year clean and sober I’ll have all 12 steps done. I just finished step 3, and I’ll be going over it with my sponsor tomorrow.  This step was a little hard, turning things over to my higher power.  Like turning things over about people that hurt me. My sponsor told me to pray for good things for those people.  At first I was like why would I want them to have good things happen to them? I want bad things to happen to them. Then she told me because I’m trying to get better and if I have that hate in my heart that’s only hurting myself.

Praying For Others

So I started praying everyday that I hope they are happy in life and I wish them nothing but the best.  I asked my higher power to forgive them for me because I wasn’t ready to forgive them. Every time I pray I get a little better and that resentment gets smaller and smaller. I have faith that turning my will and my life over that everything will be okay.  My way doesn’t work and I know that now.

I’m Worth It

My life today is good.  It’s not always easy but it’s worth it because I’m worth it!  Living with like 10 women I definitely have to put principles over personalities. They say you can’t pick the family you’re born into but you can pick your family. That’s so true.

My Family

The owner of the transitional home I’m at, I fucking love so much!  She’s the mom I’ve never had, and gives me guidance when I need direction and advice. There’s nothing I can’t or wouldn’t tell her.  Best of all, she loves and cares about me. She challenges me by giving me responsibilities, and holds me accountable.  I look up to her and I’m so grateful for her because if she didn’t let me come here I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.  Honestly I would probably be dead. I have my blood family but I have another family my chosen family that I love them. You know who you are.

Healthy And Independant

Recovery has given me freedom from active addiction and many gifts. I got my family back, I love myself today, I have amazing friends, and an amazing girlfriend who brings out the best in me. We have a really healthy relationship and that’s a first for me. Today I work full time, and that means I’m independent. I pay my bills and still have money in my pocket. That feels good not to rely on anyone. I haven’t had my license since 2009, I think, so I’m working on getting it back.  I know its been awhile. People come to me to hear my experience strength and hope. Sometimes I shock myself like about the person I’m becoming, but I love who I’m becoming because I’m a good person.  My intentions are good but my disease took control of me for so many years, and Nikki is coming back and getting better everyday! Trust your struggle The best is yet to come!  I am an addict. Today I have 108 days clean.

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki