experience, strength and hope in recovery

Something Good In Every Day

Not Every day is good but there is something good in every day. The past two weeks have been rough. I felt pain for the first time in my recovery and dealing with all those feelings has been difficult.

Things Happen For A Reason

My sponsor had me write a letter. It was a resentment letter she wanted me to write before I started working step 4. Then my girlfriend just broke up with me at the same time. So I felt like I was losing two things at once. The break up, I’m still taking pretty hard because I really love this girl and I don’t know how to be just her friend.

It’s fucking hard. She’s so back and forth with her emotions towards me its really confusing. My sponsor says this is all happening for a reason and my higher power is protecting me from something. I just need to have faith and trust the process. Which I do trust the process, I just want to know the reason now.

Life Turned Around

My sponsor also said that being on step 4 and this going on at the same time, I’m right where I need to be. Pain is growth. Recovery is amazing. My life has turned around the past 4 months. I went from being this hopeless broken soul, junkie, and a self centered asshole. To a good person, with a huge heart. Today I am also honest and I have compassion for people. Full with hope and faith today. I do good for others and lift people up instead of breaking them down. Everyday when I wake up I say the third step prayer ask for guidance and ask my higher power to help me be a better person than I was yesterday. And I remind myself not every day is good but there is something good in every day.

One Day At A Time

Just one day at a time trying to be a better person and recover. I love the life I live today as i live it! I just got a puppy to he’s adorable! This Friday I’m chairing at my home group. Its exciting and giving me a little anxiety talking in front of all those people. I just started a new job that’s going good and I’ll be on my own crew soon with another recovering addict and he and I work well together. He has the energy and I have the determination and motivation. Life is great today and I’m so grateful to be alive. I’m proud of where I’m at today and free from active addiction. Everyday is not good but there’s something good in everyday! I am an addict. Today I have 125 days clean.

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki

Blessings Working A Program

The last four months have been a wild ride. There have been a lot of stress and obstacles I’ve had to face. And I never thought I would get to where I am today. I’m grateful for this way of life and for all the blessings that come with working a program. When I gave my will over to my higher power and surrendered, I allowed the guidance to help me become the person that I am today.

I No Longer Believe Those Who Do Not Believe In Me

I have endured a lot of pain throughout the last four months but have overcame it and been able to deal with it better. The biggest thing I’ve had to deal with is the situation with my son’s father and not being able to see my child. He has kept me from my child for weeks and months at of time. He has put me down in so many ways and bashed me in so many ways but I have learned how to deal with him. Rather than lashing out at him I realize what he says now is not the person that I am. Believing what he says is no longer a thing for me. I know that I am a great mother and that I would do anything for my child.

My Son Is My Favorite Blessing

The last couple weeks he has let me see my son more. Although he doesn’t want to admit it I think he knows deep down that I am trying to do better. And he wants what I want for our son and that is to have both his mother and father. It is a blessing to be able to have my child at Da Vinci and be clean and be able to spend quality time with him. From playing hide-and-seek to Jumping on the bed, to playing ball out in the yard, I get to enjoy these times with him clean.

Recognition At Work Is A Blessing That Motivates Me

I was also promoted to shift supervisor at work. I put my all, plus more into my job and things have started to turn over tenfold. All my progress is showing and miracles are slowly happening in my life. I used to think that I didn’t deserve all these things that are happening but now I believe that I do deserve them and that everything that is happening is due to me turning my will over and surrendering to the program of Narcotics Anonymous.

Support And Friendship Reminds Me That Pain Ends

I have a great support group and friends I can reach out to. I have people that tell me they’re proud of me. But most importantly I am proud of myself today and know that I deserve each and every blessing that is coming my way. I deserve this new way of life and as long as I continue to work the program and remember where I came from, my life will get better and great things will continue to happen. They say hope stands for Hold On Pain Ends. Well I held on and I will continue to hold on. The pain in my heart isn’t unbearable today. It has been replaced with love serenity and Hope. I am an addict. I have been clean for a little over four months now.

In loving service-Lauren

Turning Things Over

My goal is to do a step a month so when I get a year clean and sober I’ll have all 12 steps done. I just finished step 3, and I’ll be going over it with my sponsor tomorrow. This step was a little hard, turning things over to my higher power. Like turning things over about people that hurt me. My sponsor told me to pray for good things for those people. At first I was like why would I want them to have good things happen to them? I want bad things to happen to them. Then she told me because I’m trying to get better and if I have that hate in my heart that’s only hurting myself.

Praying For Others

So I started praying everyday that I hope they are happy in life and I wish them nothing but the best. I asked my higher power to forgive them for me because I wasn’t ready to forgive them. Every time I pray I get a little better and that resentment gets smaller and smaller. I have faith that turning my will and my life over that everything will be okay. My way doesn’t work and I know that now.

I’m Worth It

My life today is good. It’s not always easy but it’s worth it because I’m worth it! Living with like 10 women I definitely have to put principles over personalities. They say you can’t pick the family you’re born into but you can pick your family. That’s so true.

My Family

The owner of the transitional home I’m at, I fucking love so much! She’s the mom I’ve never had, and gives me guidance when I need direction and advice. There’s nothing I can’t or wouldn’t tell her. Best of all, she loves and cares about me. She challenges me by giving me responsibilities, and holds me accountable. I look up to her and I’m so grateful for her because if she didn’t let me come here I wouldn’t be where I’m at today. Honestly I would probably be dead. I have my blood family but I have another family my chosen family that I love them. You know who you are.

Healthy And Independant

Recovery has given me freedom from active addiction and many gifts. I got my family back, I love myself today, I have amazing friends, and an amazing girlfriend who brings out the best in me. We have a really healthy relationship and that’s a first for me. Today I work full time, and that means I’m independent. I pay my bills and still have money in my pocket. That feels good not to rely on anyone. I haven’t had my license since 2009, I think, so I’m working on getting it back. I know its been awhile. People come to me to hear my experience strength and hope. Sometimes I shock myself like about the person I’m becoming, but I love who I’m becoming because I’m a good person. My intentions are good but my disease took control of me for so many years, and Nikki is coming back and getting better everyday! Trust your struggle The best is yet to come! I am an addict. Today I have 108 days clean.

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki

Lost, Confused And Unsure

I feel a little lost and like I don’t really know what I need to do. I need to get a sponsor, a big book, a work book, a ‘how it works and why’, and a home group. In comparison with the other girls I have not been in recovery very long, so I guess this is to be expected since .

The Right Place

I am feeling better with every day and today I had a nice day with my parents. I guess doing the ‘next right thing’ does work. It’s amazing that the last time I felt like I was in the right place was when I was in jail. That’s where I started to feel better. I think that was because I knew where I would be sleeping, eating, and working. The same thing with being here, so I am feeling a little less lost.

Day by Day

I’m so happy I finally let go of Mark, he was dragging me down. I don’t wish any ill will on him and I hope he finds his way. But I couldn’t help him or myself. I appreciate all of you girls for helping me. Even if I got a little lost on the way, I can be a functioning member of society. I’m getting my personality back little by little. Day by Day I will get better, and eventually I will be able to give back to those who helped me. I always thought if I found my way and I could help one person it would be worth it in the long run.

-Jayme

Focus On The Positive

Pray and ask God to remove the anxiousness we are all so accustom to in our lives. We pray that He will give us the acceptance of our current circumstances, and patience and tolerance of others. It will all work out the way it is supposed to, no matter how we choose to handle it. Choosing To Stay Positive , However Hard It May seem.

The Real Battle

I believe that we are here to let God work through us to help and teach others, and vice versa. The real battle is getting outside of ourselves in order to make that happen. We make a conscious choice to do whatever we can for others, whenever we can. Maybe, it will only be a listening ear, or a kind word. If we are open to it, we can see that they are placed in our path for a reason. Maybe it is that they have something we can learn from them. Either way, our whole experience is adding up to the strength, knowledge, and wisdom we will need on our journey.

I know it is hard so see it at times, but, life is a beautiful experience. IF you choose to focus on the good. We are alive, breathing, clothes on our backs, a roof over our head, food to eat and people who love us; though they may not always like us, lol. We may not always have name brand, or even clean clothes; or food in our pantry, or even our own home to hang our hat. But all of these things are obtainable in some way. We have more resources and help with these things than ever. When we are doing the right things, making the right choices, getting involved with the right people…these things tend to come to us without even trying.

Remembering

And, maybe there are moments when we will not have these things, even though. We have to remember that everything we have gone through, or are going through, has gotten us what we are capable of today…sharing our experience strength and hope with others.

However Hard, I stay positive — My support Group helps to remind me of the positive things in my life.

Awareness

Staying focused on the positive will keep us free of stress and anxiety which cause negative actions and reactions. Peace comes from within, from acceptance, of people, of circumstances…not from outside sources, like people, money, or jobs. It is the awareness that things are taking place as they should and that we are are okay with only focusing on the now. At the point when we realize this, we are able to un-cloud our minds and focus on healing ourselves, becoming healthy-mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Which will ultimately lead to peace and serenity like we have never known before.

That Is why Choosing to stay focused of the positive, no matter how hard it may seem, is so important.

-Nicole L