experience, strength and hope in recovery

Mixed Recovery Blessings

Mixed Blessings In Recovery

Today I have 2 months and one week clean. It’s been 9 weeks of true amazement mixed with daily struggles in recovery. I’m currently on my 5th step & going over it tomorrow with my sponsor. I’m pursuing growing spiritually and trying new things to get myself out of my comfort zone.

Sense of Peace

Work has gotten a lot better, the active users I was working with have been weeded out, therefore there is a new sense of peace at work now. I am still having some difficulties with my personal relationships that I have been working on. I have had to cut some people out of my life that I love dearly, and had to be done in order to keep growing and keep fighting the good fight.

Embrace His Will

At this point I talk to my Higher Power multiple times a day and embrace “His Will” for me. With Him I know I am safe and I know my Higher Power will never push me past my ability to remain firm and do the next right thing.

It Works If You Work IT

Hi my names Nikki I’m an addict. Today is 44 days clean! I’m so grateful for my life today. This program works if you work it. I just finished step one. It was a very emotional step for me but a relief also. I actually got stuck in the middle of the step because writing down all that fucked up shit I’ve done and all the shit I’ve done in my active addiction was really hard for me. I cried, laughed, prayed, asked my higher power for forgiveness, called my sponsor and talked to my support group.

Made It Through

By doing those things I pushed through and kept going and made it through. I see the growth in myself and so do others. Completely surrendering to my addiction and accepting my past and surrendering to Narcotics Anonymous, I’m building the foundation to my recovery. This is the first time I’m doing the suggestions everyone tells you about when you go to meetings. It’s a simple program and now I understand that slogan “keep it simple”.

For The First Time, I worked the Program

This is my first time doing the steps thoroughly, I utilize my sponsor and my support group, I go to meetings regularly, I do service work. I’ve seen the gifts of recovery in my life as a result of doing all these things that were suggested. I have friendships back in my life today that I thought I lost and it feels amazing. I’ve built great friendships with other people. I’m getting my family back like on Thanksgiving. I was also invited over there and spent all day with my family. Like little things from going shopping with my sister and niece and going to get lunch together. Due to my pop-pop being in a nursing home this year we brought him thanksgiving dinner. My niece told me she loved me yesterday. I don’t even remember the last time I heard that. I’m truly blessed.

I Made It Back

Recovery is an amazing thing and I’m so grateful I made it back. I live in a Sober living house with 9 other women. They are all amazing in their own ways. Everyday when I go to a meeting I always hear what I need to hear. Meetings help keep me clean and I always feel better afterwards. I look forward going to them. Life is good today.

I Choose To Live

Today I choose to live! I’m happy and comfortable with myself and everyday I’m going to continue this new way of life. They say one promise, many gifts. That promise just for today I don’t have a desire to use. That has been lifted. I’m excited to keep growing on my recovery. Miracles happen everyday. Don’t ever give up. I’m a miracle and so are you. Trust your struggle. The best is yet to come…

A grateful recovering addict, Nikki

“IN THE MOMENT”

MY NAME IS LAUREN AND I AM AN ADDICT. TODAY I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN. IN THE FIRST FEW DAYS I WAS BEATING ,MYSELF UP AND SAYING THAT I ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS CLEAN AND I WAS FEELING A LOT OF GUILT. TODAY I AM SAYING I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN. FIFTEEN MORE THEN I HAD.. EVERY DAY CLEAN IS A MIRACLE. I DIDN’T THINK THAT I COULD GET THIS FAR. NEVER ALONE NEVER AGAIN. I LIVE BY THAT EVERY DAY.

LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY

I KNOW THAT I HAVE PEOPLE THAT LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ME. PEOPLE THAT WILL PUT ME IN MY PLACE AND NOT BABY ME. THE SUPPORT THAT I HAVE TODAY IS AMAZING. TO KNOW THAT I’M LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY AND NOT JUDGED ON MY PAST MISTAKES, MAKES ME HAVE THIS TYPE OF FEELING THAT I CANT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS. BECAUSE WORDS CANT POSSIBLY DESCRIBE THIS FEELING.

FOCUS ON MY PROGRESS

RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT, FOCUS ON MY PROGRESS AND NOT DWELL ON THE PAST. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO GO MINUTE BY MINUTE. THE LAST FEW DAYS I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED AND THINGS HAVE BEEN PUT IN FRONT OF ME TO TEST ME. THE WAY I DEAL WITH THINGS LIKE THAT, IS MY CHOICE. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR BEING ABLE TO LOOK AT WHAT I CAN LOSE AND WHAT I HAVE GAINED FROM BECOMING CLEAN. ALL THE POSITIVE AND EVERYTHING I AM GRATEFUL FOR WHAT OUTWEIGHS THE NEGATIVES.

FACING PROBLEMS

TODAY I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS BY USING. BECAUSE IN MY CASE IT WILL COVER UP THE PROBLEM FOR SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME AND CAUSE ME NOT TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN, BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THE PROBLEM IS STILL THERE. IT COMES BACK TEN FOLD. PROBLEMS DON’T GO AWAY BECAUSE I TRY TO MAKE IT GO AWAY.

A NEW WAY TO COPE

IN MY CASE RIGHT NOW I AM FINDING WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF MY SITUATION WITH MY SONS FATHER. BEFORE I WOULD DEAL WITH IT BY RATIONALIZING AND THROWING HARSH WORDS BACK AT HIM. I HAVE A NEW WAY TO COPE WITH THAT SITUATION. BY GIVING HIM THE POWER, I’M LETTING HIM CONTROL MY FEELINGS AND HOW I REACT AND THAT’S NOT OKAY. THAT’S LIKE SAYING “HEY I LIKE THE HURT AND I BELIEVE EVERY HURTFUL WORD YOU SAY TO ME AND I AM THAT TERRIBLE PERSON THAT YOU SPEAK ABOUT.” I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF AND SAY THAT’S NOT OKAY. I’LL NOT TAKE ANYMORE EMOTIONAL ABUSE FROM THAT ASPECT IN LIFE. I’M TAKING THE BALL BACK. THIS IS MY COURT. HE WILL EVENTUALLY GET SICK OF DRIBBLING HIS OWN BALL AND NOT MAKING IT IN THE HOOP AND IT WILL STOP. I JUST NEED TO STAY CLEAN AND SOBER IN THE MOMENT.

GOD’S WILL

I MISS MY SON TO DEATH AND IT HURTS MY HEART TO NOT BE ABLE TO BE THERE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW. BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT IS GOD’S WILL AND THAT EVERYTHING WILL HAPPEN IN TIME AS LONG AS I STAY ON THE RIGHT PATH.

AN INSPIRATION

TO DO BETTER I MUST ACT ON MOMENTS IN MY LIFE IN SUCH A WAY THAT EASES THE TENSION AND ANXIETY THAT PROBLEMS CAUSE ME. I LOVE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT THEY LOOK UP TO ME OR I AM AN INSPIRATION. IT HELPS EASE THE HOLES IN MY HEART THAT I CAUSED MYSELF. WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM I WANT PEOPLE TO SAY I WANT WHAT SHE HAS. I WANT TO BE THAT HAPPY. I WANT TO HELP THE NEWCOMER. TODAY I HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN AND I AM DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF FOR THAT. ONE STEP AT A TIME.

GRATEFUL RECOVERING ADDICT, Lauren E

Definitely An Addict

Hey Guys! My names Amy I’m 28 years old and I am definitely an addict. My clean date is September 26, 2016.

A Lot Has Changed For Me

A lot has changed for me in just 6 short weeks. It took the first couple of weeks to get out of the detox stage and to start being myself again. I had about ten and a half months clean last year and had never felt happier.

What I Didn’t Realize

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was holding on to old ideas and to reservations that inevitably brought me back out and threw away any happiness I had. I tried to live the unmanageable lifestyle of active addiction. Within a week of relapsing I overdosed on heroin.

I Survived, Thanks To My Higher Power

Thanks to reasons unknown to me but known to my Higher Power I survived. It took an additional 4 months of misery before I said enough is enough and made a decision to get clean again. At that point I was no longer jonesing for drugs and alcohol but I was jonesing to have that awesome way of life again, that I had known last year .

I Started Feinding For A New Way Of Life

I was feinding to be happy, joyous, and free. Today I wake up every morning so grateful to not have to be dope sick or rely on something or someone to get me through the day. I have a sponsor who has a sponsor , I’m working a program, and am going to a meeting a day right now. I am absolutely grateful to have the support system and women in my life that I do.

Feeling a Part OF in a Transitional Home

The transitional house I live in is so amazing because I know I never have to face a difficulty alone and I’m with other women who are working toward the same goal as me. I’ve never felt so much a part OF before.

No Matter What I Seek My Higher Power

Every day for me is not sunshine and rainbows. I’m facing difficulties with loved ones in my life who use, people at my job who use, and issues with me trying to grow as a young woman and not knowing how that will change relationships in my life. No matter what though, I know if I seek him, my Higher Power will be with me every step of the way.

Amy H

Grateful recovering addict — Transitional home offers support of another addict on the same journey

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Sober living and tattoos

As an owner of a home for sober living or a recovery house, often my clients will go through moments of what I call cabin fever.

In early recovery there is so much an addict must face. Most have legal issues from Child protective service or actual criminal cases. In addition, a whole way of life has been given up. We often say that,

The only thing that has to change is everything.

But this often leaves my clients feeling restless, irritable, discontent and bored. Mostly in a support group we teach each other new coping skills such as,

Move a muscle change a thought

But when I hear a steady trend, I try to guide it, not kill it. The video above is the second tattoo party held at Da Vinci Home. The first was such a great success, we did it again.

I guide it as best I can. Two weeks before the party, they show and share with one another a small tattoo idea they have, and discuss how much it will cost. There is no rush because we will certainly have another party. Importantly what they are choosing to have put on their bodies permanently is discussed and guided by their support as well as their finances.

Then of course we choose an artist that is trust worthy and uses safe practices. We make food and generally enjoy the day even if a tattoo isn’t in the cards for everyone.

Also it is a way to unify everyone to do something fun even those who can not par-take in outside events due to community control or other reasons.

I truly love what I do. Allowing the girls to have a break from the grieving they are doing, from letting go of so much to have a new life in recovery, is a small but blessed moment.

It may be unconventional for sober living and tattoos, but there was nothing conventional about having a sober home in the first place.

Angie H